Wednesday, February 11, 2015

where'd she come from, calm and peaceful 48 year old GIRL

At this point I think you've all seen where I came from. I left out the larger details of the winds that blew through and caused me harm and felt a lot like tornados than a breeze. I could tell those stories in detail, I've done it before. I did it when I wrote my book back in 2001 (it's been here on the blog the whole time), it's all in there and all my friends know my "secrets". I could call names and tell you about tears, scars and not being able to breathe but it is not necessary. We all go through a lot in our lives. The point is that all of those things polished me up and chipped off a lot of my rough edges. I needed every tear and scar.

So much in my life has changed and yet there are some things that will forever stay the same. I will always be stubborn. My family knew from the beginning that I'd take nothing lying down.

I've always been a mama bear. When I love, I love fiercely. I won't let you hurt my people. Once you hurt one of my people I will never have anything to do with you again. Trust me, you can ask anyone whose done it. You can hurt me but you cannot hurt them. I'll forgive you all day for hurting me. Mom says just give me 5 minutes.  I see people who continue relationships with people who hurt their children in relationships and I wish I could be like that but I'm not that way. I cannot even imagine a picture of that happening in my head. I know that won't change. I wish it would and I'll still try but it's probably not gonna happen. I don't need everyone to like me.

I don't need everyone to like me. I know that is a repeated statement but I'm on to another point. I had rather help someone, heal someone and make them hate me than to see them make the same mistake over and over. It doesn't bother me to have to tell someone something that will make them mad at me if it will help them. Mrs. Arney my PE teacher and cheerleading sponsor taught me that.

I finally found a person who does not need me to suit him so that he feels better. I am not perfect and I know I probably get under his skin from time to time but he accepts me exactly the way I am and then I back up and do the same for him. I don't ask him to change in any way. I always have his back and cheer him on in every aspect of his life. I want him to be the best exact Bryan that he can be. I think he wants that for me as well, you know what I mean.

Our house is calm. We do not fight. No one ever yells in our home unless we are playing with children. In that case it is very loud. We play with everything (nothing is off limits), make messes and bang on every musical item we own and that is a lot. When you come into our home you will feel the truth in what I am telling you. Anyone whose been there will atest to that. We have an environment that supports being yourself and being at peace.

So that's where I am now.

notes to my people:
  • Again Bryan, I don't have to tell you anything because you know before I can say it. 
  • Again Mrs Arney, you've been my role model for years even though we lost you a very long time ago.
  • Again Lance & Sky, you know I wouldn't be the same if you had not been my children. I love your independence and how fiercely you are who you are. I wouldn't change a hair on your heads but Sky you know I like your hair long the best.

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Your comments reflect who you are. If you see something in me that you do not like, it’s your own shadow that you refuse to see. Work on that instead of working on me. Okay. If you’re nice then thank the rainbows and puppies out of you.