Thursday, July 24, 2014

i need sunlight, food, water and rose colored glasses

It's so hard to be a girl with a blue heart in the land of red. Facebook has made it even harder. Facebook brought those people right out in front that do not believe in human equality and the people who talk of dying for a gun but not for a child. I don't think I ever needed to know this about my friends, family and community. I liked it more when I could just live in my little bubble and still believe love always wins. I've hid folks and defriended them just for this reason. I cannot take another person hating and justifying it by pointing a finger at GOD. My heart cannot take seeing hate slammed in my face so blatantly. I know we are all equal in our right to believe as we choose but I need my space here to feel like there is hope.

I saw this on tumblr and it really says it all for me:
We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.

The rest of the post above can be found here. It is worth the read. It made me feel better about dropping off a few bags that became too much for me to carry. If you need to let folks go as well it might make you feel better too.


Sunday, July 20, 2014

maybe they just want a sandwich

My son Lance and I usually always try to get lunch quick and get back to the office on the day that payroll comes in so that the other person in the office doesn't have to wait a long time to go have lunch. That usually means we'll be getting our food from a drive-thru window. 

A couple of weeks ago I was going through the drive-thru with Lance to get a sandwich on check day. We ordered and pulled around. I paid for the food and our drinks were handed to us. Then, we waited like you do until your food is brought to the window. During our wait Lance was saying that while he had been gone to his summer drill that he had been drinking caffeine and that is why he got a Mountain Dew to drink instead of water. He took a big sip and said, "the nectar of the Gods." I laughed and at the same time heard the window open and turned to see our food was ready. The guy at the window just starred at me and I thought he was about to say something about my sunglasses. I wasn't being full of myself but I do get a lot of compliments on the ones I was wearing. He looked at me and I looked at him and neither of us spoke for a second. Then he said, "were you laughing or making fun of me." I assured him that we were laughing about Lance and his drink, even telling him the story. He handed me our food without the look of disgust leaving his face. I could tell I had done a poor job of convincing him I was being honest. I drove away feeling bad and sad. It really hurt me that this poor person could look at two people who were having a silly moment together and only see, "They are laughing at me." Now when I go back and he waits on us, I see that he recognizes us from that day and I feel very awkward and am afraid of what the look on my face may be conveying to him. I can tell ya this, he does not like us. And he does not like us because Lance had to have his special juice and make a joke about it.

I just wanted to tell this story to highlight how people who don't feel good about themselves see the world through a filter of their own insecurities. There are countless reasons we could have been laughing that day and he chose to think we were laughing at him. 

If you recognize this story in yourself. Try to always see the countless reasons a person could laugh that have nothing to do with you and chose one. Your life will be so much more happy because of it. It is unimportant if you are correct or not. If there is a person at your drive up window laughing at you it will not change your life good or bad. Chances are if they are laughing at you they won't ever think about it again after they drive away and have their laugh and if they do, you won't know it. You control the space between you and all others. That space will be what you want it to be. There is no truth greater than the truth you believe. Everything else is none of your business. 

Sometimes, folks just want a sandwich and you can believe that or you can believe they drove into your life just to have a laugh at your expense.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

the year of penny

In our household it's a rather big deal to set goals for the betterment of our beings. It's kind of our thing. When we do it we like to use rituals to kind of give the goals something to dig heels into. There's the Arrow Day that we use to start off the year and now we've added Full Moon & New Moon rituals. The moon rituals just seem to be a good way to keep momentum throughout the year. At the beginning of 2014 B declared this "the year of Penny." Well, to be more accurate it's the year of Bryan & Tonya but we do say the year of Penny as a catchall for the both of us.
I've had a habit for years of saying, I'm gonna get up earlier, meditate more, exercise daily and write morning pages. This has indeed been the year for this. I get up near  5AM, write my page(s), exercise and meditate before I do anything else. My legs have definition again, I workout issues on paper instead of holding them in and I'm finally using the tiny room we had put in just for meditation when we built this house. It makes me feel so good to know that I have not lost my ability to have discipline like I had in my 20s. I thought I'd lost that. I know I can stick to a routine now. I've always been a morning person and it just made sense to direct all my good intentions to that space in the day when I am at my best.

Do you have any sort of activity/rituals that you do to keep yourself motivated on your path? For us it has been such a good experience. I cannot tell you how many arrows I have left on that hill over there that found their attached goal into existence. I can tell ya one real quick and I am sitting in it. We both made arrows for this house. We had 101 hoops to jump through just to be allowed to build here. Before we built every person who stood on this land looked out and wondered how and why. After the house was finished all of the folks that love us finally told us when we talked about building here that they could not imagine a house on this hill. We imagined it and not only that we made it a goal to find a way and we did.

I know it may seem ridicules to consider a ritual for setting goals but it is so much better than just writing on paper. Using ritual you are opening up space for your intentions like planting seeds in a well tended ground. The difference is like having a party with a theme, decorations and great food instead of a party in a blank unfurnished room with nothing to eat. You want a good send off for your goals when you set them free to find their way to manifestation. You will feel like you did something to earn the rewards when they come. Just give it a try and see if it doesn't make you feel giddy.
 This could be your year of Penny too.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

How do you play?

You do play right? Cause if ya don't you will get old so much quicker than those who still find ways to play.

If your life consists of only going to work and home you've gotta change that. We live in a time where you could potentially run down to the nearest outdoor store, buy a boat and be on the water before it's even time to eat you lunch. In fact you could find a million ways to play without even taking out your wallet. So why aren't you doing it? If you are sad, depressed or even tired, I'll bet you are not taking time to play. Just walking out of your house and down the street could change everything. Hearing the sounds of birds, feeling the sun or a breeze across your skin or just looking at the green of the grass and leaves can instantly turn a mood from bad to good.

I don't know how it is that adults forget how much they need these things. It is just like food, you need play to survive. Playing allows us to put worries and stress on a back burner. It makes us feel alive. If you are just going to work and home you are missing vital ingredients to a fulfilled life. You don't have to be good at sports. You don't have to have a large amount of endurance. You don't have to have any sort of skill to take on a hobby. People say to me all the time that they have never kayaked like they need to have that experience to try it once. No one has those skills until they do the activity. The only thing you need to try a new hobby is enthusiasm. You just have to want to.

Do you remember how magical playing was as a child? Why do you skip on having that magic now? No matter where you live there is something you could do to play. Buy a hula-hoop at the Dollar Store and teach yourself how to use it again. Put a puzzle together. Go for a hike in the park. Walk through your neighborhood. Ride a bike. Hike a trail. Go for a swim. Jump rope or on a trampoline. Find a place in your yard and just lay there looking up at the sky. Play a board or card game. Go camping. Join your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews or neighborhood children in outdoor games or just catching fireflies. Read a book. Buy bubbles and silly string from the store and play with them until you run out of light. There really is no end to the things you could do to play. Make a dreamcatcher. If you don't believe you need this, try it once. Give it just 10 minutes if that is all you have in you to give. I know you will find that you've been missing it and didn't even know it.

Still not convinced? Check out this article or this article or this article or this article. I could go on but you get the picture.


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

A Jar of Wings

Over the last several months I seem to keep finding wings laying all over this hill and below it. First I found a single bird wing laying beside the deck. Then kayaking I found 3 perfect dragonfly wings laying on a rock in the creek. Next I found a whole bug laying dead by the front door that had wings so beautiful I could not help but take them to keep. The last one I found was the large portion of one moth wing laying on the front porch. There's never been a full set in all of the wings that I've found except for the set still attached to it's owner. There is always one missing. There should have been 4 dragonfly wings but there were only 3. It seems pretty symbolic to me. You might think so too when I tell you that one of my shoulders has been frozen for the last year. I have been to the chiropractor, an orthopedic surgeon and a full month of physical therapy and it's still not near 100%. So, just like the creatures that keep leaving me their wings,  I too, in a way, am missing one of my mine.

I think the universe is telling me it is time for me to fly and when I make that leap I know I will get the use of that damaged wing back the minute that I need it. I feel like the pain is there now to remind me that I need to press forward. I know what flying means for me and I'm getting closer and closer to pushing myself from the tree to enter this next phase of growth.

Have you ever had something like this happen to you? Maybe there was a time when something kept reoccurring in your life or  something that just keeps on showing up trying to give you a message. I think if that is happening to you too, it might be time you listen.

I've had so many messages sent to me at this point that I now have a jar just for wings.