Wednesday, July 31, 2013

the mechanic's guide to accepting

310 (2)A few days ago I had a heated debate with a family member regarding taking responsibility. This other person might not see this as the root of our exchange but that was the point I was trying to make. When this exchange ended I felt like I immediately wanted to write posts about playing victim and not taking responsibility. I didn’t write those post even though they’ve been on my to-do list ever since. At some point I might put it out there but right now it’s off my radar.
Here’s where I am at this moment. Last night I was thinking about those two post ideas and it occurred to me that instead of body slamming my opinion all over the mat there might be something else I could do. I figure it’s all a matter of changing perspective.
What happened next was a little surprising. Out of nowhere I decided to do my own form of the Loving Kindness Meditation. I began by forming a mental image of different friends and family member's one at a time. While holding their image I sent them thoughts of a quieted and peaceful mind and then visualized a bright light radiating from their center until it expanded out of their body and into the world. As is with the Loving Kindness Meditation, I chose people who were both easy and more difficult to cultivate these thought towards, so that I might get the feel for accepting people that are harder to accept, by starting with people I already accept. In the past I have practiced the Loving Kindness Meditation (video) but it felt like just going through the motion and nothing else. This time was different. For once I understood what it was that I was to take from this meditation.
By looking at these people without judgment and just extending the idea of peace and a quieted mind I was sharing only love instead of imposing my opinion on them thus making them feel like I do not have kind thoughts towards them. This helped me to let go of the outcome I was trying to manipulate by trying to help this person in the way I thought they needed helping. I stopped trying to be the creator of an outcome and allowed these people to just be. We all know that no one can be helped if they don’t want to be and we all know that the greatest lessons we learn in life come to us by failing and making mistakes. This mediation allowed me to learn to let go and just accept.
As I move forward through life I hope I can be more mindful of acceptance and keep it at my forefront.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

the mechanic’s guide to manifesting a happy life

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of material about manifestation. There are so many books about it and not enough time.
What I mean when I say manifestation is the idea that what you hold in your thoughts regarding your life, you bring into being. In other words, if you think it, you will become it. I believe strongly in this but I’d really like to just talk more about the mechanics of it more than the metaphysical aspect. Every book I’ve ever read talks about it from a spiritual aspect. I am not opposed to that concept but I’ve always been a meat and potatoes kinda gal. I just need to know why more than anything else. If I know how to build a car engine I will also know how to repair it. Get me? So here we go.
Find a quiet place and close your eyes (after you read this of course). Now, look at your life through your mind’s eye. As you think about each question also think about what it feels like to be where you are concerning how you answer. What does it feel like to be you and have what you have, want what you want and how do you feel about the prospects? Here are the questions:
Where are you in your life? Have you accomplished what you wanted to accomplish? Are you afraid you cannot accomplish what you want and do you feel like you will never accomplish more than you have now? Do you want for anything you do not have and if so, do you feel like these things are attainable?
However you answered these questions, that is manifestation. You have obtained exactly what you thought you would. How can you accomplish something you do not know.
How does that work in the real world? From a purely of this world, right this minute perspective you cannot know what you do not know. What I mean by that is, if you do not know something your mind cannot just make it up. You first have to know it. It’s not that you cannot learn but you have to seek to do that. Once you have sought the new knowledge and you understand it, you now know it. Duh!
That, my friends, is the mechanics of manifestation.
How do you use that to bring about what you want in life?
You use your imagination. Your imagination is the way that you come into contact with knowing what it feels like to get what you want. If you cannot feel it, you cannot know it and if you do not know it you cannot have it. When you know the feeling you act accordingly.
Try this little exercise. Think about a person you love and think about how you act when you see them. Now think about someone you are not fond of and how you act when you see them. Big difference I’m sure. Why do you think you act different to these people? The answer is you act on what your mind thinks. Do you think the person you don’t like can sense that you do not like them? I’m sure they can and unless they are a highly evolved person they are going to act back to you how they are treated. If you treat them like you do not like them they are probably not going to come racing up, embrace you and tell you how happy they are to see you. That is manifestation. Next time you see that person you’re not fond of, imagine that you like them and see if you act different and in doing so, notice if they interact with you in a different way. They will probably do some second guessing. They will probably think, “I thought John didn’t like me but maybe he does and man, he seems pretty cool.”
If you go into a job interview and you believe you will not be hired, how do you think you will act? If you believe you will be hired don’t you think you will interview better and seem far more accessible? For sure you will. Again, manifestation.
So, moral of this story is, if you want something, learn what it feels like to have it using your imagination. Then, you will act accordingly and bring it into being.
I promise you that your mind does not know an imagined picture from one that is real. It is all the same up there in your little noggin’.
Okay, one last thingy. Now you are probably asking yourself, “Tonya, if you are right about all this then why is this the first I’m hearing about it (assuming it is)?” This is new to you because the people you know do not know this. Why do they not know it? Because no one taught them and let’s just say it, most folks don’t want to think this hard. The great thing about being alive is that as long as you breath you have options. You can reevaluate any belief you have and turn around and look at it with fresh eyes and decide if you want to persist or change.
Note: I didn’t want to make this post so long folks would be turned away. I’ve tried to explain this the best way I can, using as little wording as I felt I could. If you still don’t grasp what I’m saying, feel free to ask questions and I’ll be happy to answer.
Oh and, you should read that Wayne Dyer book in the link in the first sentence of this post. It is beyond amazing.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Who Gets to be Happy?

you2Take off your figurative coats and stay a while. This ain’t gonna be quick.

I know far too many people who believe that being unhappy is a byproduct of life and that they have no control over it. Let me say as nicely as I can that is a load of bullshit.

When I was a small child my grandmother teased me because whenever she told me something I’d almost always say, “yeah but.” She said one day I was going to “yeah but” myself to death. Don’t let that happen to you when I say anyone can be happy.

Some of the happiest people in the world are happy despite terrible circumstances. There are folks with less money, who live under terrible conditions and are in worse health than you and they are happy. Happiness is a decision.

I don’t want to get into the details of my life in a blog post. It would take far too long. If you want you can read about them in my book you will find on it’s own tab at the top of the blog. I will say, that I have not had the most smooth path in life, yet I am happy. That kind of makes me an expert. I’m just saying I know a few things about it.

The problem with not being happy begins when you put on that first layer of believing you have no control over it. You probably grew up in an environment that fostered this belief. You kept adding layers when something happened that seemed to back up this theory that you have no control. Pretty soon it’s like you are wearing multiple layers weighing you down and holding you in that notion. You don’t know how it feels to be naked and not bear the weight of all your coats. You are going to need to strip ‘em all off like refinishing a piece of furniture.

I recently wrote this post about questioning long held beliefs. That is exactly what you need to do.

One thing you might take note of is the common traits of happy people which can be found here.

Meditation is a great way to get back in touch with your authentic self. You can find numerous meditation videos on youtube like this one.

Another thing you could do is keep a gratitude journal. You can find some helpful tips about journaling your gratitude here and you can even find an iPhone gratitude app here.

If you believe you are not responsible for your own happiness it’s not going to go away overnight. You are going to have to prove to yourself you can find your own happiness.

The greatest tool in your arsenal is just making that initial decision that you are going to be happy. Make that affirmation and you’ll be on your way.

Monday, July 15, 2013

wherever you are

I had a flash of awareness today that I wanted to share with those of you listening/reading. Goes somethin’ like this…

You are in there somewhere but it’s not where you think. You think it’s in those strongly held beliefs, the way you dress, how much money you have or don’t have, your religious beliefs or lack of, etc. That, as they say, “ain’t” you. 

If that where you, you’d have been that when you were two. Back then you didn’t care about being a CEO or wearing fabulous clothes. You didn’t care about global warming or being a vegan. Sorry ‘bout that. Not trying to stereotype, just saying. You became that over time. It happened to you like catching the flu or getting struck by lightening. 

Here’s the other thing. Everything you see on that screen that you watch your daily life play out on is not true, not a word of it. If you are right about it why are their people who don’t agree with you? Is it really possible that you know everything and that everyone who disagrees with you is wrong? That’s hard to think about, right? What is true is what you knew at the start of understanding or better yet what you didn’t know. See if you can shake off that flu and get unstruck by that lightening and just be. I refer you here:

Now that I’ve dropped you off of not one but two cliffs, I’ll leave you to think about it. 

note: It is not lost on me that am not excluded from these ideas. I’m right here with ya trying to see that blanket truth.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

It might not be your job


I was looking at my Facebook page one day and I saw a post calling out folks who see injustice or an inhuman circumstance and do not take charge to fix it. I can’t say anything close to what the article said that the post linked to (can’t find it now) but it was something about standing around talking about how bad a situation is, instead of taking on the job to fix it. It said in a round about way that your feeling sorry about it was meaningless unless you were actively putting in the work to make a difference. I understand the point but now let me tell you what it left out.

It’s not the job of every human to see inaction and act upon it. It’s not everyone’s job to tackle every job. If it were we could not possibly be enough. Sometimes your only job is to see wrong and point it out. Is the pointing it out less than the physical act of correcting the wrong?

Not every situation is to be saved from itself. If you see a 2 ton boulder about to fall off a cliff it’s not a good idea to try to catch it. We can’t see behind the curtain of the universe. So, we have no way of knowing when to act and when not to. I believe that if you are suppose to act you will and even Hercules himself couldn’t stop you mere mortal should it be your turn to shine. I am just saying it’s not always your duty to step up and sometimes even the most unjust situations need the opportunity to play themselves out because the playing out of the situation may also be the fix.

It is so easy to compare ourselves to anyone who is not us. Comparing ourselves will not solve anything. A more proactive thing to do would be to observe that it may or may not be our job. We all have strong virtues that are beneficial to share with society and it is our job to share those. You probably know or have some vague idea of what your stronger qualities are.

A reporter in the field can give his account of a bad situation to a world audience and then move on to let someone else step in to try to do the fixing. Is it wrong for that same reporter to allow others to take over once they point out the situation? Obviously not. The reporter can move on to uncover other injustices while those people, whose job it is, fixes the bad situation. Is the reporter less important than those who stay behind to mend?

What I propose to you regarding this idea about our jobs, is that we not compare or weigh importance. Don’t look at others and say, I should do what they are doing or I wish I could do what they are doing. Instead say to yourself, this might not be my job. My job might be to do this (something you are good at or drawn to). I will let them do their job and help should I be asked but I’m also going to sit here ready for when my time comes. I don’t have to be everything to everyone.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Back to Check In


Since my last post on this blog I’ve done a lot of taking stock. It’s going well and I feel like I am learning a lot. I’ve wanted to come back to post from time to time but it always felt forced. I’ve just been waiting it out, waiting for the feeling of not being able to live without sharing. I am starting to feel it again.

I’ve written a huge outline that I will be turning into blog post but it’s going to take time. It’s some really heavy but liberating stuff. I titled the outline:

Life Secrets No One Bothers To Tell You

(because no one told them)

It’s original intent was to be a talk for pre-teens/teens but there is so much good info in it I decided to share it this way. All of the content of this talk stems from lessons I’ve learned in adulthood. Knowing this made me realize that it could be beneficial to all age groups. So, this is the next thing you can expect to see here. Stay tuned.