Friday, May 29, 2015

Night Kayaking

We've made a couple of night kayak trips so far this year. It has been a blast. The first trip was on a new moon and as you could imagine, it was pitch black. The only light we had was from headlamps. It was also the trip where Casey earned her kayak name Goose, Trista became Blow Hole and B's nickname became Chigger Nuts. I'm not sure on the rules of kayak names. I think it might be like Fight Club in that you can't talk about it. So, if you missed that night you'll never know how they got the names. We also unofficially named our group the Cross-Eyed Yeti Yakkers but since then we've made it official.

Never go kayaking if you don't want to become hooked. I'm on my 3rd kayak right now. B bought me a new one I'd been eyeing for a while for Mother's Day. Here I am on it's maiden voyage.

Let's just say, it's a big boat.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Rock Island

This was an amazing day. We went to dinner with some dear friends at  Foglight Foodhouse  and when we saw we were a bit early we decided to go to  Rock Island  for a walk. This place is so perfect. The falls were flowing wildly on this day and the sound was beautiful.

I have not posted a lot of life stuff lately and I have plenty to share. Get ready. There's 'bout to be a photo overload. 

Thursday, May 14, 2015


I'm gonna reveal some truth that might not shock the people who know me. It might, however, shock those who only know me through my years of blogging. So here goes. 

As a friend I cannot be trusted to follow through on finalizing plans. You see the man in this old photo with me. He is my event planner/calendar. Without him I'd never finalize anything. I'm not going to excuse this not so good side of who I am but I would like to explain how I got so terrible at this. I'm hoping that by opening up I might finally shift this bad energy. 

Let me start with a day in my life at the age of nine. I sat on my porch for most of the day with a suitcase beside me waiting on my father to come pick me up so that I could stay half my summer vacation with him. He never showed up and wouldn't even speak to me on the phone again until I was 17. 

Summer of my Junior year was spent with my friends avoiding me. Finally MaryAnn was nice enough to tell me that my friends didn't want anything to do with me because all I talked about were the random guys I went on dates with on the weekend, They said that they were sick of hearing about it. To me I was only doing what they did, which was to talk about what I did on my weekend. I didn't know that the fact that most of my friends were hanging out together instead of being on a date would be a sore spot. I wasn't that good with girls because I grew up with boys in a family that never socialized outside of our extended family. In fact, that was another thing people always said about me, that all I talked about was my family.

I cannot count the number of times that I've made plans with my mother that she canceled moments before we were suppose to go somewhere. I don't know the number but it's something like everytime. 

There's more but I'll stop. My life has been a series of people canceling on me, not showing up or avoiding me and it taught me to expect it. I know people in the world have real problems and that this doesn't really count as a real problem but I want to be better and I think it starts with excavation and admission. I know that the energy I carry is energy that says I don't want to be around you or that I don't care for you and that would push anyone away. Almost everyone I've ever been friends with has at some point told me that they thought I was snobby when they first met me. I'm not a snob but I am seriously cautious. The bad energy I carry from past hurts leads me to always find what I fear the most. It's just always seemed like that the evidence was always there that I should expect disappointment in my relationships. It's no one's fault. No one planned to teach me to feel like I wasn't wanted. In most of my relationships today I'm not feeling unwanted but  I'm finding out that the residual energy of all of this is with me and until I release it, I'll continue to carry it. If I continue to carry it that will be the energy you feel when you are around me. I don't want that. I want energy that feels like fresh air. 

If I've not followed through on plans with you or I've seemed to try to avoid making plans it has nothing to do with you. If we've tried to make plans you can bet that I probably do care about you even though it might not seem like it. My go to reaction is to just expected you didn't really want me to follow through or that you would cancel in the end. 

It's all out there now and you know the truth.

My Declaration:  

Today, I wish to release this energy of pushing people away and my fear of being abandoned. Please usher in a new day free of this bad energy and fear.  I release you and going forward let me only think from love. 

Thursday, May 7, 2015


The Tree Change Dolls™ are the work of Tasmanian artist Sonia Singh. The dolls have been rescued and rehabilitated from op-shops and tip shops around Tasmania. These lil fashion dolls have been given a “tree change”, swapping their high-maintenance high-fashion habits for down-to-earth style. Sonia hand repaints the dolls faces, molds new feet or shoes, and her Mum sews and knits their clothing.See the Tumblr feed here.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

people are amazing

Het Verzameld Breiwerk van Loes Veenstra from Christien Meindertsma on Vimeo.

Loes Veenstra from Rotterdam is addicted to knitting , and has clicked away on her needles almost incessantly since 1955. She’s been producing sweaters faster than she can give them away, which has resulted in a house full of unworn, homemade knitwear. The film is reminiscent of a flashmob and features Loes’ neighbors, all of whom are wearing one of her hand-knitted creations.

Monday, May 4, 2015

while we are on the subject

 If we are born healthy our bodies come equipped with a full range of motion. In our general life we neglect to use that full range. Poor, poor bodies. They have to get sick of never getting the chance to live to their full potential. How often do you stretch your arms above your head, grasp your hands behind your back or stretch your waist from side to side? If you are like me, you would probably answer seldom to never.

I've recently been thinking about this. Maybe that is because my left shoulder spent a year trying to learn what it's full range of motion was all over again. This time last year I had what is termed as a "frozen shoulder." I know the pain I felt was my shoulder yelling at me to use it so I wouldn't lose it.

This was all a reminder for me that my body will be there for me throughout my life as much as I show up for it. I'm going to start showing up. I am going to give my body what it needs on the level that feels right for me. Stretching will definitely be a huge part of it.

Is your body trying to tell you something? Maybe it's time to listen before it starts yelling, cause it will and it won't be nice about it when it does.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

exercise in complete rest

I cannot speculate on everyone but I know I carry a lot of tension in my body. If you are like me and you do too, you have probably lived with it so long that it's part of who you are and you don't notice it all the time. I have found through paying attention to where my body aches that I can learn to relax and it feels amazing.

Here's what I do. I just sit or, more often, lie still and just notice where I'm holding up my body a little more tightly in places that are achey than in those places that are not. It's usually my lower back, shoulders, just under my shoulder blades and my neck. After I take note of where the tension is I consciously make those parts release the tension and relax. When I am doing this it is so easy to see that my body has learned to hold those places tighter as if it thinks the extra tension is needed to hold up the rest of my body. I know that when I release these places and relax, that my body doesn't just fall over from the lack of tension that it has memorized while I wasn't paying attention. It thinks that I need that added tightness to stay upright or to keep from falling through the bed. People say what I'm describing is the body holding onto stress and I'm sure that this is probably the origin of it but I also know a lot of mine is body memory. If it were only stress then I wouldn't have tension all the time. I'm rarely stressed but always have tension. I think if I continue to practice this, over time, I can teach my body some new memories, like that it's okay to let go. I hope that feeding it new memories that it will eventually learn to release into a permanent relaxed way.

Maybe tonight while you are in your bed getting ready to fall asleep you could scan your own body for tension, then release it and let the bed completely have you. You will be amazed and your body will sigh in relief.

note: It's not funny but it does seem odd that between finishing this post and the time it is scheduled to post, B sent me a text that his back went out. Crazy timing. 

Friday, May 1, 2015

what can we do? / post 3 of 3

If we want to free ourselves from the grip of fear that leads us to individually live as though the world only belongs to us, we have to start to challenge our fear.

How can we challenge our fear? The answer is, we first need to recognize that the actions we take in the world that are not based on love are always based on fear. When we recognize fearful thoughts bubbling up we have to guide them to a place where we can soothe them and then release them.

Here are some examples of fear based thinking:

I'm worried about my health and I can't stop thinking I might get an incurable disease.
If I don't have a gun when someone tries to kill/hurt me or my family I will be defenseless.
God might send me to hell.
That person who cut me off in traffic disrespected me.
My significant other might fall in love with someone that's more attractive.
If I lose my job I will be homeless.
There are terrorist groups in my hometown.
If the Democrats take over our country it will go to ruin.
If the Republicans take over our country it will go to ruin.
My family members might become incurably sick or injured.
My love ones might die.
If my children realize that I was not a perfect parent then they won't love me.
My friends talk about me behind my back and secretly don't like me.
I will never find a mate.
I will never be able to have a baby.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not skinny enough.
If people really knew everything about me no one would love me.

So what can we do about these fears and the ones too numerous to mention? Seeing fear gives us the opportunity to combat it by challenging it. If there is a chance that what you fear is true then there is an equal chance that the opposite is true. The possibility that something will happen does not make it real. If it's not real and is only imagined you are thinking on the future. We cannot know the future. When you fear you are fearful of something that has not happened. If you are thinking on a thing that hasn't happened and you are fearful that it will, then you are only living from your fear and not from anything that is real. You could live like that thing might never happen just as easily as you live like it will. You could go an entire lifetime fearing something that ends up never happening. That would be a complete waste of a lifetime. If you can shift your thoughts from fear then you could see a world filled with love and abundance.

Here is a simple little exercise to carry with you for a few days. When a fearful thought comes up or you become anxious, jealous, worried or angry, stop in the moment and tell yourself to let it go. If it comes back, tell yourself to let it go again. You do not have to entertain these thoughts. You can just tell them to go away. If you have trouble letting go then think of something that makes you happy and visualize that for a bit. Go for a walk. Listen to music you love. Meditate. Breathe 10 slow and deep breaths. Find what works for you and do that instead of thinking on fearful thoughts.

If we don't challenge our fears we will only contribute more fear to the world. Until a lot of people wake up to this fact we will keep spinning our wheels never getting anywhere that holds promise.

Challenge your fears, that is what will wake you up to love.