Monday, February 2, 2015

Being Impressive Doesn't Impress

I went to dinner with a few folks recently. A couple of them were much younger than me. We had a discussion about making a good impression on a date. I know this sounds strange but I am very much opposed to this. I loathe it.

I dated a lot as a single adult, I mean I dated a whole lot. Even in high school there was seldom a weekend I didn't have a date. I know I should have been hanging out with my girlfriends but as a teen I did not have a grasp on saying no. If someone asked me out I would go just to not hurt their feelings. So, to get to the point I was about to make, I've got a lot of experience in this arena. 

In all the people I dated, only one (ONE) guy out of them all never tried to impress me and I married him.

All of this came out in our discussion and one thing I had not really thought about until I said it at dinner that night was how few people stood out. Most of the men I dated did what they thought would impress me (open and held doors and agree with everything I said) and all it did was make them seem like everyone else. It made me feel like I was going on the same date over and over. Happy Ground Hog Day by the way. 

I don't think people who try to impress you on a date understand that you've seen this all before. No one is fooled by it unless the person you are trying to impress just doesn't know their own self. They might fall for it because they might be doing the same thing on their end because they don't get that people see through it. 

The guys at the table started to talk about how a guy they know dates a lot of women even though he does not treat them well. They talked about how he tells women on the front end that he doesn't want to be serious and they still flock to him. That kind of proved my point. Even though he isn't monogamous, women who want a serious relationship still want to date him. I think it might have something to do with the fact that he shows people who he really is. He doesn't play the try to impress you game. 

Okay, so what am I saying? Show people who you really are. Don't show up on a date with a pocket full of "how can I impress you" that you slowly parcel out throughout the night. People get this same dog and pony show over and over. They know the routine. Show up with just you and no agenda. If you have bad habits they might find them cute or even might have the same bad habit and then there you are bonding over being real. What you really are, bumps and bruises, is always better than trying to be impressive. Trust me.
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