The first time I saw her I imagined I would cry on the spot. I didn’t. I marveled at her perfection, thought of all moments and memories we would share but I didn’t cry. I couldn’t figure it out then but now that I’ve had her for a year, I know that it’s the knowing her everyday that makes me cry and I just didn’t know her yet.

I didn’t know that in her I’d see a thousand moments of a little me and I’d remember how easy this love comes. In my mind I’d shake my head to confirm to only myself, how hard it is to believe this doesn’t come easy for some people. It’s not your thing. It’s not what you are here for. Yours is something else I don’t know, so I shouldn’t judge it.

The thousand:

Her smile is so wide that it consumes her whole face.

She loves music so so so much.

She loves to dance.

She loves outside.

She loves water.

She looks just like her daddy, but I see bits of us all.

She has mine and Sky’s baby curls.

She doesn’t like to get dirty just like her dad when he was tiny.

She gets consumed in any moment when she is learning something new. She will take in every move of the way your mouth forms a word she’s learning because she is putting it in her secret filing cabinet for when she needs it.

She loves when you count. her toes. her fingers.

Oh, and speaking of her toes. Her little baby pinky toes curl back away from all the others when you tickle the bottoms of her feet, and it may be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

She melts when you give her a baby massage when she’s fussy and fighting sleep. She did the same on the creek in the kayak. She took it all in, the sound of the water moving under the boat, the sound of the breeze in the trees, the sun on her face and the disappearance of it when we’d shift under the trees. She would close her eyes for brief moments to feel and hear everything until one time she didn’t open them because she had fallen asleep. I get that so much.

She gets mad when she can’t have everything, she wants all at once but then, you just want to give her all of whatever that is.

She is not going to like things too sweet. I saw it in her face after a little more icing than she could handle on her birthday. The way she shivered and gaged a little made me think, "I get it little one, I'm the same."

She is bossy and I’m here for it. I want her to always be.

She loves all her people the way they love her and it’s a lot.

She wakes up crying so pitifully when she stays all night but when I remind her in the dark, 'You’re at Happy & Granny’s, you just forgot and everything is okay,” she believes me and snuggles deeper into my chest. That’s when I’ll rub her little back or brush her hair with my fingers and stroke her check and tell myself how fortunate I am to have her to wake me so I can marvel that she’s here right this moment. 


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