thoughts and lessons learned

Here is one morsel that I think took me a long time to get. For a long time, I couldn’t understand how someone wouldn’t be honored if you used an image of their ancestors. I guess I didn’t understand because my ancestors were white and never in this country were they persecuted for the color of their skin or raped and pillaged because another ethnic group wanted what was under their feet or the use of their body to aid in the gaining of riches.

I’m not going to call out the store because if they started getting threats, I’d feel terrible about it but I have shopped at a store whose clothing line I adore. And even though I do love the clothes they sell, I’ve always had an uneasy feeling when I’d see them use images of Native Americans on the tees, shirts and dresses. They also use the Dalai Lama and Gandhi. Sometimes I’d wonder if this very blonde designer was some part Native American and it was so diluted I just cannot see it. I have to say she always makes the sweetest and most inclusive posts in her feed when it comes the words she chooses to share but the only images of people of color are stock photos and nothing that seems personal. My feed is the same way because I don’t live in a diverse area. I could even concede that to her since I’m not sure where it is that she lives. The problem I’m having is that she makes money from the imagery of people of color but doesn’t seem to employee anyone not white. It could be that she gives large sums of money from the sale of a $200 tee shirt to organizations that benefit POC but they didn’t say that when I contacted them. Is it my business? Only if I still want to support this brand by purchasing from it. Then I need to know where my money goes.

When this huge awakening started to happen with the death of George Floyd, I decided I had to say something. So, I sent them a direct message on Instagram and I hoped their answer might be that there was something there that I wasn’t seeing. It wasn’t. I’ll tell you what happened. I sent this exact message:

"Are people of color part of this company or do you just use their imagery to make money? I hope so but I don’t really see it here. Please tell me I’m wrong. I love what you do. I just hope there is more to it than words."

This is the message I got back via email:

” Just hoping you had seen this photo shoot too.
 

We can all do more and we must, I wish you only peace and happiness, and to all sentient beings.  ----- -----, our designer, tries not to make political statements, as they can quickly stray from the mission of love of the company because they can easily be misconstrued in some way, but I hope you know she is in pain right now along with the rest of the world.  

The pain she or I or any white person feels right now can never compare to the pain black, brown, and indigenous people of color have felt over the many years our country and actually our whole world have been sick, but do know there are many compassionate beings who are extremely sensitive, myself included, that in some way practice to try our hardest to relate to that pain at the deepest level.  

Even the people who don’t care about this matter are in pain at a deep level because they are disconnected from their fellow humans by something as superficial as the way another human appears, they may not know what that pain is or know how to relate, but all human beings are suffering from our deluded ways.    

All love to you, please God may the pain in this world quickly be alleviated by a massive change in the mentality of the human race towards unity and freedom and justice for ALL.

Please share in any way your thoughts or questions.
You may have blocked this email so I am also going to send it from my personal email because I want with every fiber of my being for you to feel heard, and myself to be heard too.”

XO

I know, that is beautiful and I’m so happy they are on the right side of this but I couldn’t let it go. So, I wrote back:

Thanks for responding. I believe everything you said in the email. I know it is hard for everyone. The thing is, that photo is 2 years old according to the title. I wouldn't be as bothered by it if the company didn't use so much imagery from people of color, donned by very white people. I don't mean to offend any of you but I did want to express to you how many people probably see this. I don’t believe anyone could post some of the sweetest of words that your company posts and not have goodness in their heart but the stock photos of black people are not a good look for any company that had a photo shoot with a person of color 2 years ago. That could look like your intent is to look diverse while not really being diverse. I sent the message in private for a reason. I didn’t want what I said to make people come after you. I just wanted to quietly and discreetly tell you what I see when I look at the feed. I know for myself I will be trying to spread my love to reaches it has not been before. The only person of color in my Instagram feed is my son because our community is 98% white. I know for me; I can no longer let that be an excuse for not doing better.

I wouldn’t block you. I’m trying to not block anyone right now when it comes to these conversations. The few times I’ve said anything, I’ve just tried to state my feelings and then wait to see what happens in the future. I’d love to see all businesses invite the voices (and faces) of people of color to the table and just see what blooms. That’s how we can change the world. It’s not really about trying to anticipate what the path might be to make this company appear a certain way but to ask “What would you like from our brand? How can we include you?”

I really sincerely thank you for taking the time to email me. That means a lot.

Then I got one last email before I completely gave up:

Thank you too for responding. It’s true that photo is older, we wanted to employ her to do the photos on our webstore too, but she had moved to New York by then to pursue modeling, happy for her. Growing up in ------ I’m so thankful I was exposed to diversity.
Our world is in so much pain and I truly hope all of this coming to the surface can lead to the true end of segregation. And I do hope in our next photo shoot we are able to include more color.
Much love to you!

They just didn't get it. Maybe I was not direct enough. So, I guess the plan is tokenism. Again, they will try to appear diverse without being diverse. I’m still hoping they wrote a big fat check on every sell to the Native American Rights Fund or that they will stop profiting off POC whose ancestors their ancestors slaughtered.

What have I learned? It is not an honor for the very people whose ancestors murdered your ancestors to use your image or the image of your ancestors for profit and still do nothing about the way you have been historically left out.

When people say, “you listen to our music, you copy our dance, you copy our hair, you copy our style, you love everything we put out into the world but you still don’t love us” I get it. I finally get it. I didn't always. So, I'm still holding out hope for those who still don't.