Tuesday, May 13, 2014

my hiatus

I put the blog up for a while to regroup and possibly give it up for good. I'm not good a promoting myself. So, my blog has not had a lot of followers since this last incarnation as SoulPony. It started me wondering if my message lacked what it needed to get people interested. I felt like maybe I should stop being a teacher and start being a student for a while.

My day job changed last year and that had also left me feeling like I didn't know where I belonged. I was telling anyone who'd give me an ear how badly I wanted to make changes to the way I make money. I have been very lucky in life. I have the sweetest partner in life a person could have. I have two beautiful son's. I live in the most amazing place, that allows me to just almost walkout my door and be doing the things I crave most in life. The thing I could never get right was work. I've never been completely happy with any job. I've worked at jobs I liked and with people I really liked. Never really worked anywhere that I couldn't find something to be happy about. The thing was that I felt like I wasn't working towards my soul's calling. All of this is why I decided it was time to shut the blog down until I figured it all out or maybe shut it down for good.

Here's what's happened since that time. I sat in on a distance healing call with Eva Marquez and gosh it's been a while back and I cannot completely remember all the exact details. Anyway she gave an amount of time that she said we might be feeling the effects of the energy attunement and almost exactly to the last second of the amount of time she said I had a full blown allergy attack like I'd not had in a while. I wasn't around anything that usually triggers an attack like I was having. My throat closed on one side my sinuses on the other side and I was itching and barely able to breath. I couldn't be still, I was so uncomfortable. The next day I started thinking how it happened just moments before the time frame she'd given was about to end and how it had seemed to come from nowhere. I sent her a message asking her if she thought it might be related. She told me to think back to the first time I could remember having problems breathing and try to remember what might have triggered it. I knew exactly what that was. She related it to the fight or flight feeling I have when I'm under stress. She asked me if she could call me after work and to see if she could help. She was very intuitive about so much but she didn't really say what I wanted her to say. Her thought was that the feelings I have about my job had brought about the attack. I really wanted her to say that it was proof I wasn't doing what I was meant to do but she didn't. She told me that she had a feeling that I might actually like my job and that the problem was that I was absorbing other's energy. She walked me through my whole life in the phone call and she suggested that I get a tiger's eye to shield me from bad energy. I have one by my bed, one on my desk at work and I also have a tiger's eye bracelet that I wear several times a week. I don't know if I particularly believe in the whole thing but I like looking at them and the reminder they give me of the help Eva has given to me. Before my call was through Eva had me to gather all of the people who love me and who have hurt me on to a playground and to see them as children. She had me visualize us all playing together. That was mind altering to me. I told her it was total genius. Imagine everyone you've ever know stripped of what life has done to them and taught them, all playing together as equals. 

So, time passed and I wasn't totally on board with Eva's thoughts on the whole work thing but over time I was able to see how correct her intuition turned out to be. When people talk to me from a metaphysical aspect it leaves me wanting to dissect the thing down to less magical ideas. Using her words and thinking about absorbing other's energy made me think about something mystical that I had no way of processing.

When the allergy attack happened I had 1) participated in the attunement call 2) talked to other people who do the same job as me in other offices that were having really bad experiences and 3) had employees who where spreading gossip about each other to maneuver themselves into better schedules. Everyday I went to work I wished for a way out. Then comes Eva and the tiger's eye. No matter how I look back at it, through the eyes of a mystic or through the eyes of science I see that I did absorb other's energy. I allowed how the other office managers saw the way their office ran and how they felt about it to impact how I felt and saw my office and coverage area. Talking to them got me to thinking that maybe I was missing something if my office was running so smooth. Then I let the workers in the field get to me with there talking bad about one another instead of trying to put a stop to it. 

The big thing I relearned from this experience was to not try to control other people. It's really plain and simple for me now that I'm on the other side. I do the best I can do to make sure everything goes as it should, I cannot control what everyone does who works for this company. What I can do is try to stay on top of what is going on to the best of my ability and if I find someone is doing something they shouldn't then I make sure to follow the procedures put in place. I had started preemptively worrying about things before they had a chance to even happen. I used to be good at not feeling like I had to control others but I lost sight of that when I started allowing others to influence how I felt about my job and the people I work with by listening to how they felt about their job and the people they work with.  It's not anyone's fault. It's just something I needed a reminder about that one big old allergy attack brought on.

There is more to this story but I know I've written probably more than anyone could want to read here and will save more of this for another day.
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