Thursday, May 15, 2014

Let's All Go Under Water and Say LaDonna

I once told B that I was going to find a way to make that a blog title and so now it is. My husband and his friends all had a crush on a girl named LaDonna. I think a couple of them might have also went out with her. He told me that they were swimming one time and one of the guys said, "Let's all go under water and say LaDonna." I love that story.

I wonder how many times in our lives we've been someone's LaDonna and didn't know it. I'm sure even LaDonna might not have been aware of the hold she had over these boys hearts years ago. My point, and I will make it brief, is how often we look for love and overlook the most obvious of places.

I love what Mike Rowe said on the subject of seeking a mate:

I had drinks last night with a woman I know. Let’s call her Claire. Claire just turned 42. She’s cute, smart, and successful. She’s frustrated though, because she can’t find a man. I listened all evening about how difficult her search has been. About how all the “good ones” were taken. About how her other friends had found their soul-mates, and how it wasn’t fair that she had not.

“Look at me,” she said. “I take care of myself. I’ve put myself out there. Why is this so hard?”
“How about that guy at the end of the bar,” I said. “He keeps looking at you.”
“Not my type.”
“Really? How do you know?”
“I just know.”
“Have you tried a dating site?” I asked.”
“Are you kidding? I would never date someone I met online!”
“Alright. How about a change of scene? Your company has offices all over – maybe try living in another city?”
“What? Leave San Francisco? Never!”
“How about the other side of town? You know, mix it up a little. Visit different places. New museums, new bars, new theaters…?”
She looked at me like I had two heads. “Why the hell would I do that?”

Here’s the thing. Claire doesn’t really want a man. She wants the “right” man. She wants a soul-mate. Specifically, a soul-mate from her zip code. She assembled this guy in her mind years ago, and now, dammit, she’s tired of waiting!!

I didn’t tell her this, because Claire has the capacity for sudden violence. But it’s true. She complains about being alone, even though her rules have more or less guaranteed she’ll stay that way. She has built a wall between herself and her goal. A wall made of conditions and expectations.
My point in sharing this with you  is to suggest that you not overlook that person who has been there all the time and already loves you because they don't fit in the frame that holds that picture you have in your mind of exactly what you determined years ago would be the way life would look. Maybe the picture you've imagined is not as good as what you could have if you let it go.

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