Friday, September 20, 2019

hello



I have basically abandoned this space but didn't mean to. I have spent so much money on energy healing, energy healing classes, breathwork sessions and ceremonial healing classes this year that this has been where my loyalty lies and not writing. When I'd come here and pull up "new post" I'd think I would write and wouldn't, or I would write but never publish. Once I sat down to write, I'd think about my healing process and how I was somewhere in the middle of it, and how maybe waiting till I was further in might be more beneficial. Do I have anything I can share at this point in the journey that can't wait till I'm closer to clear? My answer was always wait. The problem is I/you won't ever be clear of the need to heal. If we heal through those big things like childhood trauma and previous relationship trauma, then we are just trying to keep the cords cut that attach to us daily when we connect with others positively or negatively. We are seldom, if ever, in our own energy and detached from the influence of others. It's just part of living.

Before I got serious about healing, in my opinion, I was stuck in stage 2 of fight or flight almost 24 hours a day. I'd think I was in some sort of cool down period where I was finally going to release the stress and then something at work would usually send me back in the stress cave again. I ended up at a chiropractor for an emergency visit but even after I got realigned, I was still having severe muscle spasms for days. Once I recognized and got real about what I was doing to myself, I planned to finally get in my own energy and try to stay there.

If you watch my Instagram stories then you know most mornings I'm up before daylight, going to my studio to meditate and do breathwork. Then once a month I am on a call with Satya Colombo being held accountable for doing my healing work, as well as a once a month group call with Satya laying down his knowledge in bits and pieces, to allow us all to consume at the rate he feels is beneficial. Do I dread the calls? I do because I know he is going to make me talk about how it's all going and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm going backwards in the moment. It's not. It's anything but. The dread is me not wanting to face my own crap. He's so good at not pointing it out but making me realize it for myself. He said on our last call that a few people dropped out of our group and I can tell you that I'm sure it's people resistant to healing because they still find some sort of comfort in being a victim or they don't want to do the work. I think many of us feel this but for those that are ready we are pushing passed the resistance.

So, what do I have to tell you about my process? I'm better. Right now, it's been 18 days since I had a day that work was all I could think about. I've slept better. I'm calmer. I've dreamed so much. I wake up on most days and I cannot wait to see the people in my office, see what the day brings and just smile and laugh at our mutual predicament of having jobs that never get easier. Generally, the people in both offices are making decisions about the wellbeing of over 200 people and how to schedule 170 workers into those more than 200 spots. There are a lot of lives on the line and we also must make sure we aren't sending our workers into homes we wouldn't want to be in ourselves. Stress people! I'm handling it better right now than I ever have. I'm figuring it out. 

I am planning to have a retreat this fall to teach what I've been learning. I'll be renting a local house that is large enough to hold sessions for a group of about 5 to 6 people over two days (a weekend). It will be free this first time because it will be practice for me to continue this work in the future. Think about it. I know I'm being vague about what this will include but closer to time I'll be more concrete. If you feel lead to join me I'd love it. You can email, text me (if you know my number) or DM me through Instagram. Both the email and Instagram info is on this page. I know if you decide to join in you will walk away refreshed and excited about what is next to come.

So that's a little about where I've been and a vague synopsis of what I've been up to.

Peace O U T