Friday, June 21, 2019

the face that loves

Never forget that person who makes you feel loved. They are the most important. When you search your life for love or even look for self-love, you can remember what it looks like in that face. The face that let you dance on his toes until you had his movements down, the face that smiled across the crowd when you were nervous and wondering how you were doing in your latest endeavor, the face that took you at 9 to get your ears pierced because he knew you wanted it, the face that was always there to support you and the only face in any picture of you as an infant. It's a love that is so pure, you may never know it again. It's the love you lack for yourself but draw inspiration from. It's the love that lets you know love is possible and that you deserve it and are worthy. It's the face you see when you look in the mirror that won't leave even after taking a last breath.

This is me with the sex change Snapchat filter. It's him.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Free Your Mind and The Rest Will Follow

We live in America, home of, you must try every day to meet some measure no one knows the sum of and land of, you'll never be good enough.

You know yourself that this is part of everyday life for any one LGBTQ+, non white and non male. It’s not like that just for these people, I know but we know the concentration is probably higher for them. It’s this way for everyone living in this country.

A big part of the problem is religion. We see it on our money, our monuments, our TV screens, bumper stickers, signs and in the way we speak. We are saturated with it. If you’ve ever for a moment entertained the idea of turning from religion, you know the weight of it. For some, that weight is heavier. If you pastor a church, grew up in a religious family, or attend church weekly you know the weight of it. The deeper the roots run and embed, the harder it is to walk away or think of walking away. You probably cannot do it. Most people don’t have the courage or strength.

How does this fear become so ingrained in who we are? It’s a cult like hold. The last person to know they are in a cult is someone in a cult. That is what religion is and what it’s designed to do. It’s designed to keep you in fear. That is how they keep you in the cult. They play on your fears and make you feel like they are the only thing that can fill you up in ways you lack on your own. You are not good enough but with us it doesn’t matter, because we can fill up the rest. If you don't feel any fear when you question your religion, then maybe you aren't in a cult.

If you are a religious person you fell for this. I bet if you are a religious person you might have thought about clicking off this post out of fear. If you haven’t clicked away, I bet you want to. You aren’t thinking for yourself. You think with the hive mind you’ve been taught to embrace.

If you want to get off the hamster wheel, there is only one thing you can do. Stop believing. You don’t have to do it for the rest of your life but stop and stop for a long while. There is one thing I can tell you as someone who has, it will be okay. It will not only just be okay; it will be mind-altering and amazing. If you cannot do this long term, do it for a day, a week or a month.

Here is what will happen. You will be free. You will learn. You will know things you were not previously capable of knowing. The first thing you will know for certain is there is nothing in the universe that will judge you or condemn you for going your own way. Your veil will be lifted. You will feel peace.

When you start to see and feel peace, you will extend it to others. You won’t be perfect, no but when you stop judging yourself, you won’t have as much need to judge anyone else.

We all strive so hard for the things that are important to us but for what? Do you truly think obtaining what you think you need will stop your need? Do you think there is a level at which your life becomes perfect?

How did we become a world of people who satisfaction is not possible? We can stop this right now. It’s ours to have. It doesn’t mean that we become complacent with the mundane but that we embrace self-love.

So, why don’t we just walk out right now into the world and look the first person we see in the eye and just breath and smile. “Hello Soul,” we’ll say in our heart and we know that we are the same and that is something beautiful that does not need to be filled up.

When it’s all said and done, you might embrace spirituality again but this time you can build it back up without the inherited ideas. You can choose every building block and stack them as you wish. If you don’t return, that is perfect too. You cannot do it wrong. Keep your mind and heart open and be moved as your spirit shows you.

Love peace and light.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Energy Healing

So, it’s time we had this little talk. I now hold three certificates in Energy Healing and I've studied 4 modalities. Every Energy Healer is probably a little better at some things than others. I think what I’m really good at is helping people connect to their freedom to be themselves. I can help you find that space where you hold back who you are out of fear and then heal it.

We all have something in us that is a vital part of our character that we got a "no" message to during some part of our life and it’s holding us captive.

If you are a woman you may feel like you belong to your family instead of yourself.

If you are LGBTQ+, living in a small town (any town really) you may have gotten the message that who you are is wrong and maybe you don’t understand the people who said "no" to who you are were the ones who were wrong.

If you are a man you think you cannot be vulnerable or softhearted.

If you are a child you may feel like even when you have the best intentions, your parents say "no" to who you are and what you feel called to do because they cannot understand.

All of these things stem from feeling like when you show up and be who you are, you have been told "no" to that. When we hear "no" in the form of punishment, argument or correction we sometimes record those things as fact and it takes bringing them forward to finally let them go and allow ourselves to be authentic.

I can help with these things. If you are interested in an energy healing session, just send me an email or call me if you have my number.

The first session is $60. If you cannot afford the fee we could probably work something out because I want to help you whether you have money or not.


Sunday, May 26, 2019

The Power of Now As Related to Shoulders

Today I’ve been doing nothing at all. I haven’t even brushed any of the things you brush or washed any of the things you wash and it’s 11:11AM (I just Instagram storied the proof). I stink and really need a shower but I really want to talk right now instead. I’ve got a few things to share about me. You can just count on the fact that when I share anything it is about me even when it appears, I’m writing to help others. I couldn’t write a word if the words I write didn’t come from somewhere and they always come from the space I’m in when I write. So, today’s share is about two things, being present and my stiff shoulders.

I wrote about my shoulders on this blog a few times like here and here. Today is a little different.

I go walk in the park at lunch at Key Park when I’m in Lafayette. Lately I’ve begun to see that I am urging myself to go faster with my shoulders. I never noticed that I do this. These lunch time walks made me finally notice it. I do notice I keep my shoulders tense but I never took in the fact that I’m actually pushing my shoulders ahead of the rest of me from the urgency to finish what I’m doing. I know when I’m at the park I don’t have very long to get my walk in, so I’m always pushing myself forward with my shoulders instead of just allowing my shoulders to be present with the rest of my body. I know this may sound crazy to you but I think if you are person with shoulder tension, back tension or headaches you may do this too. When I notice that I’m doing it now I remind myself that I cannot send my shoulders out into the world to get me to where I need to go a quarter second before the rest of me. It does absolutely no good. I’ll then rest them and remind them as much as I need to that they can just enjoy being in the moment because all that extra work I have them doing is for nothing. It’s not just my walks in the park, I do it driving, walking into work, going out to eat, I just never stop doing it until I remind myself that I’m doing it. It is all part of not being present in the current moment and wanting to get to the next. When I finally understand I’m doing it again and remind myself to be present, pay attention to where I’m at and not where I think I need to be next, it so liberating. It helps me enjoy now, right now.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

I am Sighing a Breath of Peace

While I plot out my path into this wild world I’m always thinking about my lessons. I never stop thinking about learning, will I learn anything from this, have I taken everything from the situation that I can and/or is there a limit that I should reach or have reached in by ability to learn. I’m never satisfied with the me that I am. I’m always striving to be better. You cannot see this. You may suspect it but you can’t see that I’m doing this when I’m doing it. And…I don’t know your struggles either.

I always write about the things that I’ve come to know on my blog and I do it because I want to teach from and share my struggles so that maybe someone else might not have to go through the same thing.

Today I want to talk about something I see as probably my greatest struggle. Here goes, I’m going to say this out loud. My relationship with both of my parents. It’s not so much that I cannot forgive them as much as it is that I cannot forgive myself for not wanting to keep up with this charade. I don’t want to dig down into the specifics but I will say this and be done. My mother and stepfather did not like me, their faces soured to see me walk into the room and I knew and still know that they counted every second until I’d finally be gone. My mother told my grandparents that about me and my brothers. My father just disappeared for a decade and then expected me to just act like that didn’t happen and also expected me to always be responsible for making sure we had a relationship. Well, both my parents did and still do that last thing.

Okay, so I’ve whined about the poor me part of this story and I know for people who don’t have parents that it would seem like just having parents would be enough to be grateful for. I get that but there are plenty of holes I’ve left in this story that are not necessary to tell the things I’m about to say.

I do forgive my parents. I know they are human, I’m human and we all make mistakes. I just think we have finished the roles we were supposed to play in each other’s lives. I talk a big game about how I don’t care what other people think of me but in this case, I hate when people judge me for not visiting my parents. I just got tired of having to carry the entire relationship responsibilities all on my own, my whole life. If my parents are open to sitting down with me and renegotiating these relationships where the burden of maintaining them is not solely placed on me, I’d be happy to do that but otherwise I’m finished.

So, knowing all of what I just said I want to tell you how, after so long, I’ve finally put this into a perspective I can live with. I have worried enough about how it makes me look if I don’t pursue these relationships. I am through with anyone’s judgement and/or hurt feelings. I want to say but never will, “It’s okay that you didn’t want to be parents. It’s okay if you don’t like me or want to be around me. We do not have to pretend. Call me when you need something/anything. We’ll see each other on the major holidays at family gatherings but we never have to pretend to like each other again. My feelings are not hurt. I appreciate the fact that you gave me life and didn’t let me starve or freeze to death. I appreciate the lessons I learned when you didn’t parent me the way I needed. I learned so many powerful lessons from that. These lessons made me who I am and I would never want to change any of that. We have been what we were supposed to be to each other and now we are finished with that. I hope the rest of your life is happier than it’s ever been and that everyday you live is a healthy one. Peace”

This is my pretend conversation and it’s allowing me to finally move on and stop blaming myself for not wanting to keep rewarding people who don’t like me by keeping up one end of a relationship.  

If this helps anyone else that will make me happy.

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Well Hello

I have wanted to write in this space so many times but I just won't do it if I'm not totally wide open to do so. I cannot force it and I'm not today. I'm actually feeling 100% happy with this decision.

Earlier today I told anyone who watched my Instagram stories that I was about to do a new video and maybe you came here to see. I hope so.

Prepare yourself to hear something you've probably never had pointed out to you. It might scare you that I would say such things and and it might scare you to hear it. I can assure you that I am not the first person to point these things out. Wayne Dyer said it over and over before his death.

Note: Just to clarify before you watch the video I said Psalms 82:16 but I had contacts on that I use to see distance and cannot see close with them. It's actually 82:6. 

It amazes me that Jesus quoted Psalms to say for the second time in the bible that "You Are Gods." It's really no different than Buddhism. Buddhism asks us to take responsibility for our lives and that is what God and Jesus both are saying when they say this. They want to get it in our heads that the decisions we make are our own and tell us that how our life turns out depends on the type God we chose to be. We have the power. How much more permission do we need to use it.

If all this makes you uneasy and makes you want to think about what Jesus and God could have meant other than exactly what they said,  I want to refer you back to this post and what Suelo said about the inability of Christians to accept and be comfortable with Jesus' teaching.

Saturday, January 26, 2019


I have been going through some funk here lately but the sunshine yesterday and today seems to be what I needed. I feel bolstered. I didn't want to blog or Instagram story or any kind of silly bullshit like that and these things, I normally love. Oh, and it's winter yall. It gets me every time. I'm a grouch all winter.

It's not just sunshine that's pulling me up. It's also this book and the 2 minute cold shower finishes that it told me to do.  I've just started that. I'm mean just started like yesterday and today. Okay, so like two. But I think it's doing something good for me. I don't know, just try it yourself and report back if it made you feel like you were the sexiest, ass kickin' person in line at the grocery store checkout. It worked for me. This book is amazing though and that's not hyperbole. See, I've never used the word hyperbole in my life and you can take that to the bank. You know what else? I just did a quick proofread of what I've wrote so far and I've never used the world bolstered before either. What the hell? 

Here's something I never do. I want to invite anyone who needs help remembering happiness and wellbeing to allow me to help them using energy healing. I can do it as a distant healing without your presence but I love doing it in person. I've been practicing it for a five years now but have not made it into a business or constant in my life. I still want to keep practicing but I want to take it passed family and the few friends who have sweetly allowed me to work on them. Not saying no friends cause those are the people I'd love to help. I'm just saying I need more people. So, don't be shy, just send me a DM and say I'd like to try that crazy thing you do. It really can change your life. I promise. You don't even have to know what it's all about. Just let me deal with that. Okay, any takers?

Now go buy that book and when you shower stand in the cold 2 minutes before you get out. Stop whining and just do it. Then, maybe you can use words you never use but also double check to make sure you used them right too. Come on, I had to look them up. I thought "I cannot believe those words just came out of me/I hope I used them right, better check. Damn I'm good. Must have been the cold showers." If that sounds good to you, then do it. It's just two minutes. Stop pulling me back in. I've got to go.  

The End!

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