In my day job I have the fortunate opportunity to get to meet and mingle with people in the community who have a lot of experience living. One in particular is turning 51 this year and is one of the younger people I see. Do not let his young age fool you. He is wise beyond his years. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that he may be one of the wisest folks I've met in person.
Last week I went out to call on this young man, let's call him Mr.S. One hour turned to two and then two into three. I had to tear myself away. He is just that awesome to talk to. We discuss politics and religion, two of the biggies on the list they tell ya not to talk about. Add some history and discussion of people and relationships and you get how deep these conversations get.
Last week me and Mr.S. talked about the relationships between young men and women. He said some very profound things that I want to share in this post. Going forward I'll paraphrase what he told me in italics:
No one is handing out well thought out advice to young men. They get a well of advice regarding getting laid, getting away with sleeping with lots of women, how to lie and cheat but for the most part no one dispenses advice on how to be a good person. Young men are applauded and patted on the back for being bad and getting away with it.
The biggest mistake that young women make is in thinking men are smarter than they actually are (his thoughts, not mine). The male species can only do one thing at a time. They are neither multi-taskers nor good at thinking through emotional situations. When you believe that he will understand what you need if you hint long enough you are incorrect. You must say what you want. Sit him down and tell him what you want, what you need, what makes you happy and what makes you feel wanted. That is the way he will know. He will never guess it no matter the number of times you hint. He needs logic, it's far more on his side than emotion.
Okay, that's the gist of that part of my conversation with him. Now, I believe there are a lot of very good men in the world. I am not a male and I'm sure I will never know better than Mr.S, what it's like to be male. I'm going to take his word on what he told me. I am sure he is right about young men getting terrible advice. They seem to get all the "sow the wild oats" advice and very little on how to be a good person. I'd really never thought about it until he said that. I do know from experience that it's best to ask for what you want and that is with most situations. I think most of us are terrible at taking hints.
Maybe we should rethink a few things. Maybe we shouldn't be so encouraging on the wild oat sowing. Maybe we should be firm on asking as much of our young men as we do our young women when it comes to being a good person. Maybe we should encourage women to speak more freely about their needs instead of trying to teach them how to manipulate others to get their needs met. Maybe when someone tells you all the ways they perceive they've been hinted at that someone may or may not like them we should make sure to say, "if they liked you, you'd know." No one is hinting that they want to be with you. If they want to be with you they will do it and not hint at it. No one has time for that game.
So, women be honest and speak your mind, Men forget all the advice you get about oat sowing and be honest. We are all in this together and the less we play at games the more real living we can do where no one has to do the guessing game.