Sunday, December 4, 2016

hello again

When we woke after election day our house was a quiet calmness like you get after you are in a violent car accident that finally stopped. When the motion of the accident finally ends you have a moment when you have to survey the damage and it is that moment where you still have a second before you know if there is any blood, any bones sticking out or if you are in fact still alive. I know so many of you know exactly what I’m talking about but still many of you just think I should get over it. I don’t think any of us is wrong. I think we are all just programmed. Obviously not all us run off the same program. We may take our code from different places but when compared they are indistinguishable.

I don’t know when it all started or who started it but it is obvious that we are kept in line by the ideas we are drawn to. I call myself a liberal and you may call yourself a conservative. With only that noted we are separated. There is a line drawn. You are on your side unable to see the world from my perspective and I am on my side unable to see your perspective as well. Who gains from this? The people who have the money to rule the world and though we think we have some control when we march to the poll and cast our ballets neither of us wins. How? How does this always happen?

Abortion will not be overturned, no guns will be taken away, jobs will not be brought back, coal mining will still be over, new wars will not bring us safety, new gun laws will not be enacted, women will still not be equal, police will still be allowed to murder in the streets and live the rest of their lives free, pipelines will still go into the ground at the risk of clean water and earth, war will never end and peace will never prevail.

What will happen is that we will keep fighting about it while thinking­­ that our side is right. We will still be confused at who the true enemy is, thinking that it is each other. Do you ever wonder why that is?

Our life is filled with programming everywhere we look. It is all over the web, the TV, the newsstands, going in our eyes, ears and coming out our mouths. I mean where did we get the idea that abortion should be mandated by politics? Well, they told us it should. I’ve got news for ya, if you think it will ever be outlawed you are probably wrong. It has been decided and that probably will not change. It’s your programming that makes you believe this should be something you weigh when you vote. It is also my programming that makes me believe that women have the right to choice because my politicians tell me this should be something I use to weigh a candidate’s ability to satisfy what I believe. If they do something about abortion, then we might finally get on the same side and no one wants that. Same with guns. If they really do something about guns, again we might get on the same side.

So this is how they do it. We think we have 2 choices. We think these things matter because we are programmed that way because of the choices we make regarding what we want to hear. The internet is made to accommodate your choices. It literally picks up what you are interested in hearing and it keeps feeding you more of it. It is almost impossible to get another perspective other than your own. I can look for queen-sized headboard once and the right side of my screen will begin to show me queen-sized headboards from every store on the web until I start searching for something else and then that thing will take over. Surely you’ve noticed this.

There have been movies and TV shows made to paint the picture of these smoke and mirrors. A couple of examples are The Matrix and currently the show Westworld on HBO. We are like machines being programmed to do the bidding of those who want to remain in charge.

So what can we do about all this? We could start to look at the ways we are programmed by society and realize we are all the same. We are not enemies. We need to find a way to hold each other up and come together with love and compassion. I’m not sure I know anything after that but if we do all come together we can figure it out together.

Monday, November 14, 2016

I'm Tired of Being a Good Little Democrat and Playing Nice

As the drunken preacher once said, "I'm tired of so much shit around here that I have to unload on you today."

This Conservative versus Liberal crap is a bunch of horse shit. I know as many good liberals as I do conservatives. In fact, I probably know more good liberals. When did wanting to help people in need become a bad thing? As far as I have witnessed in my life the only real difference in the two is that "liberal" people don't hide their ugly shit behind doors or bury it in the ground. They are up front and in your face with it. That is the real difference. I know that might sting a little and some of you might be searching your mind for some way to prove me wrong and you'd be right. There is always some exception to the rule.

I'll tell you what I know about "conservative" folks. So here is your Harper Valley PTA lesson of the week.

I know that one conservative fellow posts anti-abortion memes on his Facebook page again and again but neglects to say he once paid for one to save himself from embarrassment. I know that he once had a briefcase, filled passed being able to close it, with S&M mailings he got through a PO box he paid for separate from the mail that came to his house. I also know that this person wrote detailed fantasies that he also kept in this briefcase. Some of the details of those fantasies include being kept in a dungeon, forced to crawl on his knees to kiss the feet of his mistress captor and also being forced to drink her piss from a dog bowl and to eat dog food. How do I know this? Because I found this briefcase and took it to my house to see exactly what was in it before I gave it back to him. I almost forgot to mention that he had Polaroids of his penis all harnessed up with leather straps in there too. He is either now or has been the chair of the Republican party in his hometown. I'm not sure because I try hard to avoid him or anything about him. His family hated me but they thought he could do no wrong. I always wondered why his mother didn't like me until he told me that they had a secret baby that died before he was born and that the timing of the whole thing made it apparent that his parents weren't married when his mother was pregnant with this baby. He could have lied to me about this but if it is true I guess maybe his mother was just projecting her own self-hate onto me. His mother told me once that she looked at the people that sat in front of her at church every Sunday and felt pity for the people, just like me, whose souls would never see heaven. That is probably the moment it really clicked for me. It was my ah hah moment.

Turns out another conservative person I know also had a secret abortion. Not only did she have a secret abortion but after that abortion she got pregnant twice more by that same person who was married to someone else. He did finally end that marriage and married her. I remember asking her once how her neighbors were and she told me they weren't the same because of their daughters, as she said it "those girls have just done everything." She said they had done everything. Wow, just wow.

I also know a person who cannot live a day without shouting hallelujah and amen who recently had a pregnancy scare. I was told that she asked someone what she could do to make sure she wouldn't have a baby and the person she asked told her about Plan B (which prevents a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus). She said she sat her down and explained what it is and even pulled up info about it on the internet. Even though we've all had to hear how pure this person is for years she said yes, that is what she wanted to do because it wouldn't matter anyway because she wouldn't really know if an egg was fertilized or not. She did not end up using Plan B  because she called the pharmacy and he got enough information from her to pretty much rule out pregnancy. Will the fact that she was willing to go this route to prevent folks from knowing what she's been up to stop her from judging others for having an abortion? I don't think so. It's not really about who you really are now is it? It's all about who people think you are.

I also know a conservative who is going to prison in a couple of weeks. This person I actually feel a little sorry for. She probably got more caught up in this conservative bullshit propaganda than anyone I have ever known. I've heard she has to pay back part of the money she took but I swear I wish every woman on earth would donate to her to help her pay it all off after she gets out of, what my mom refers to as, prissy prison. She got so caught up in conservative politics until she was so blinded by it all that I don't think she actually knew right from wrong. I know what she did was wrong but had she been a man like the men that helped her to do it all, she might not be going to jail right now. None of them are. Men are found to be corrupt, they go home and have diner with their family. Women are found to be corrupt, they go to prison. Men have sex with their students, they get sent to another school in the same district. Women have sex with their students, they go to prison. She was married to a former conservative TN legislator until the shit hit the fan. She has told several people that on their honeymoon night he hired a prostitute to have sex with her while he watched. I've also been told that she asked 2 separate people to help her drug him so that she could get the video from this night out of his legislative locker so that he couldn't use it to blackmail her. She had multiple affairs with different conservative politicians who were married. I've seen them slap her on the ass in her office and it disgusted me. They all knew exactly what she was doing while it was going on, they supported and encouraged it because she took care of them. It sounds terrible on her part but she didn't do it alone. The sad part is that with all she witnessed of these men, she was doing all the right things to get ahead and she did get ahead. Well, until it made them all look bad and they abandoned her. They were fine with all of it until the magnifying glass came out and then they all scattered to the wind. They taught her everything she knew and then left her with the buzzards circling. It is a shame that any woman is ever made to feel like she has to give herself away if she wants to get ahead. Men have never been made to feel like that. I just look at this situation and all I can see is how tragically she became the poster child for what conservative ideas create.

I could write a book with all the ugly crap I know about people but I've spewed enough of this ugliness here to make my point. I do not know a single solitary liberal who has this much hidden shit in their closet. I don't know one, not one. If you want to know my stuff it's all on in a book on the tab up there marked "book."Let us stop pretending that saying the word conservative means something good.

When I look at this, all I can see is, that people who have the most to hide are generally the ones who shout amen and hallelujah the loudest. So, it would seem, that the only real difference in being a liberal or a conservative is that one group cares more about what kind of person they really are and the other cares more about what kind of person you think they are. It also would seem that when you are caught up in what people think of you and you start driving your demons underground you sometimes become the kind of person who does more terrible shit and who hides more terrible shit. I am in no way making fun of these people or posting this to call them all out. If I were I'd have named names and I'd have provided links to them. It is just truly the only way I know to finally shine the light on this hypocrisy.

When we start trying to hide who we are this is the fruit that it bares.

I challenged myself more than once regarding whether I should write this or not. I can tell you with certainty that my gut says a resounding yes and I always go with my gut. I also know ya'll better read and share this fast because I cannot let this pollute my space here long. I won't be stewing in this. It will be coming back down soon.

Thursday, November 3, 2016


At times we need to take time to untangle all the starts, stops and ends to just dust off our hearts and make them new again. LoVeLoVeLoVe

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

step up on your throne

I positively know what it is like to feel like you haven't been perfect enough for the world but I also know how to get over it. Hope this helps those in need. LoVeLoVeLoVe

Sunday, October 30, 2016

So What If I'm Allergic

Back in the summer we decided to take home a pretty little puppy. I'm allergic and have to wash up after every time I pet him but I have to say, we are in love with this crazy guy. His name is Merle Haggard and he was born in June. He has made a hole in near every hoodie B has. It's his way of kissing. He is a tiny, and I mean tiny, bit better with me maybe because he can see how frantic I look when he comes at me. He means well. Never thought I love the little dude like I do. Just wanted to share him with you.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Hello Soul - an introduction of sorts

I know this is way too long but if you have 20 minutes, a glass of wine, a fire to sit by either in your fireplace or on your TV screen and a blanket to snuggle with it might be something you would enjoy. If you take the time, then, thanks for watching. Get ready for more to come.


Sunday, October 9, 2016

stop drop and roll cause this shit is on fire.

I’m trying to get out of this societal debate but my heart isn’t that open yet. Sorry!

I will start by saying that I know so many awesome men in this world that get that women are equal to men. I’m not talking to those people. You know if this is meant for you or not.

Women are not receptacles for the male penis. We are humans the same as you men. We have our own opinions the same as you. We are the owners of our bodies the same as you. And we are not here to make sure you are serviced in anyway. If you believe we are then you need to leave the cult you are part of. You can believe a wrong thing and that is definitely a wrong thing.

“Locker room banter” is not a good thing. Let’s not pretend this is innocent. It’s that exact banter that guarantees that women will continue to be objectified by men in the most horrific ways and it will be excused by people who see that banter as innocent. When your child son hears women talked about in this way then you cultivate these same views in them. It’s not masculine. I know you think it is but it is not. It is cowardice. If you weren’t a coward, you wouldn’t fall the way of those around you. You’d be strong and stand for what is right. Not because you have a mother, not because you have a wife, not because you have a daughter and not because you have a sister. You’d do it because you are a strong person who does not fear the power of the female and you would do it because you lack the need to appear manly. A strong man can set himself apart from the mainstream. A weak man follows the pack.

If you do not stand up for women, you are weak.

If you are a woman that defends “locker room banter” then something has made you believe your place in this world is small and you’ve been taught to believe that you are at the mercy of men. You are an enabler of the male dominated culture.

Young men are watching. They are seeing how people react to this situation and they are learning. That is the good that will come out of all this.

I have a dream that one day people like this will be the ones filling the jails instead of being propelled to dominance. When white men continue to have total control of this world “They're not sending their best. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems to us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists." Some of them speak from firsthand experience.

after note: I wanted to add this link I found on 10/10/16 that also speaks to this.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

An Open Heart

I wrote a piece for Facebook that I didn’t want in this space. I intentionally kept it off this blog because I want to step away from politics and bring this space back to its purpose. I had a few last words about the election that I felt were important to say and I wanted to say them before I get to the work that is in front of me. That thing doesn’t go with this thing. I’m trying to start fresh here but my human side wouldn’t just let it go first. We will call it an ego problem. I’m honest if I’m anything.

So having said all that I want to point out that I am just like you. I am a work in progress. I don’t know what the end result of that progress will be in this lifetime. What I hope to achieve is an open heart.

I don’t have to tell you all the ways prejudice effects my progress. If you’ve read here, you know. I am intolerant of intolerance. I abhor ignorance. It has always been important to me to know for myself. The thought of formal education feels murderous to my soul. It is hard for me to accept that others are not like that. It is hard for me to accept that people will walk through life blindly without trying to find truth for themselves. But then again what is truth? My conversations have always been short with anyone that does not share my values. I’ve felt it a waste of my time to get to know these people. I know you all know this about me. It is my cross. The thing is I want to do something about all this.

I’m here to suggest that we all examine our prejudices and be honest with ourselves. You don’t have to share what they are like I did but you have to be very frank about them with yourself. I think if we all do this we will be able to do something that has never been done. We can all open our hearts and face one another with love and welcome.

Prejudice is manmade. It isn’t a real thing. What is prejudice? It is just what it says. Prejudgment. Not one person alive ought to judge the soul of another but we do it all day. We all walk our own paths. We all fight our own demons. We all are damaged in some way. It is the human condition. If we didn’t judge the souls of others and we saw the beauty in those around us, the witness to that beauty might be all a soul needs to bring it forward and let it lead. That includes all manner of people, those thought both good and evil. We cannot know because this is not what we do.

How many times in a day, a week or a month have you truly opened your heart to another person? How many times have you looked at others without any judgment? How many times have you met a person and automatically recognized them first for the brilliance of their soul? How many times have you looked at the people in your family and just accepted them exactly as they are without any feeling that you need to change them? This is your family we are talking about and I bet you cannot say never even to that.

If you are down to try a little experiment with me, here’s what we will do for the next week:

1.       Smile at every stranger and in the quiet of your mind, just say to them, Hello Soul.

2.       Do not prejudge a single soul. Not those you know. Not those you meet this week. Not those who you know have done terrible things and also those you know who have done awesome works. Just don’t judge them either way.
3.       Forgive yourself for whatever you feel you need forgiveness for and don’t take it back.
4.       Send love to the people of the world you do not personally know. Send it to those you both agree & disagree with and to those you don’t know either way because you don’t know their reputation at all.
5.       Think on the people who you feel have wronged you and send them love like beams of light straight to their hearts.
6.       If you cannot do #5 do this meditation:
Imagine you are walking to a playground and as you walk you get younger and younger until you are about 4 years old. Imagine yourself playing with your friends and other children that you do not know. Now for a second think about those people who you cannot send love to. Picture now that they are walking towards you on the playground and as they get closer they get younger and younger until they are also 4 years old. Now spend some time watching them play. See their innocence. See their childlike perfection that has yet to become a person who in the future might hurt you. Now think about people you have hurt in your past and see them walking towards you growing smaller as they get closer. Now you all play together. Think about that time when you were all innocent with no intent to hurt anyone and yet we all have. None of us have made it through life causing zero harm to others. We are all just innocent children on a playground wanting to just be loved as we are. Now join hands with everyone on the playground and walk yourself back to the present. Try to keep this innocence with you.
7.       Try as hard as you can to just give love for this one week. Forget about why you feel any sort of judgment against any person or any group of people. Doesn’t matter what they’ve done or what you think they might do.
8.       Every time you fall off this love wagon just remember to get back on. I know just like you, I will be falling off a lot and having to saddle back up. I am going to give it my all and I hope you will too.
9.       This week I turn 50 and this is the gift I’m giving to myself. I’ll be happy to accept the same gift from you.

Let the games begin and the hearts start to open.

The light within me salutes the light within you.

Friday, September 23, 2016


It's been a while since I wrote anything here. I always try to wait for inspiration to spark before I write and honestly, I have been sparked a few times that I was just not willing to dig deep for in the moment. I thought it would take too many words but I can make this brief.

One thing I've really wanted to say is, I am in his corner. A lady once refused to stand and it started a movement. Thank you Colin Kaepernick for refusing to stand because it's time to start another movement. Thank you. Thank you. Refusing to stand to the words of a slave owner, who used the words "land of the free," while he owned humans, might wake people to this great cause. I hope we look back at what you've gone through for this and see the fruit of it. I think we will. I know we will. 

If an epidemic swept the land that caused every person to go blind how would we go about hating? Peace can ring for all people as soon as all people embrace all people. Leaving people out is the only thing keeping us separate. It is that simple and it is that true. 

If every crayon in the box was white it wouldn't make much of a picture. We need all the colors or else we'll be looking at a blank page. I want this world to be bright and beautiful. I know that you do too.

Friday, July 22, 2016

The Personification of America as Uncle Sam Might Be Confusing You

America belongs to all it's citizens people despite the way a lot of us have been brought up to believe. I think more people understand this than those who don't. But... those who don't are terrified that they are losing control. That is why you see people shouting and trying to scare you. Like I said, they try to scare you because they are scared. White men of the United States have controlled this nation for far too long through whatever means necessary. They think America is only for them because up till now it kind of has been. They killed the people native to this land to steal it for themselves. They enslaved people of color and built this country on their blood and their backs. They put their thumb on the women in their lives to make sure these ladies cared for them at home. They've had it all for so damn long and have been pacified by the blood of others who kept them in charge. It's killing them that we are taking their pacifier and they are throwing a tantrum about it. These men try to pit the different races, income classes and religions against one another so that we will fight each other while they continue to stay in power. "Keep 'em after each other, then they won't come after us." That is how they think. 

When you see a person that doesn't believe like you, look  like you, act like you, or live the way you live, stop seeing them as something else. They are human just like you. America belongs to all of us, not just scared white men.

You have forgotten or never knew that we are all equal. Maybe it is because the first time it was said on this soil the people who said it owned other human beings. Maybe that also confuses you. It friggin' confuses me but not for the same reason.

We will never be a great country and no one is going to "Make America Great Again" if you only want it to be great for the ones that look like you. Also, it would be hard to make this country great again when it never was. Our history has been ugly, brutal and murderous. We shouldn't fear rapists coming over the boarder when the founding rulers of this country could count themselves as such. I know it makes a person feel like shit to think that we may not be the good guys but guess what? We aren't and never have been. Instead of Making America Great Again, maybe, just maybe, we could MAKE AMERICA GREAT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

No matter the shade of skin, the belief of the person, the good or the bad, like it or not, this country belongs to all of us. Stop thinking you can take back something you stole to start with. We could be great and I know we will be great but it will not happen following the path we've followed till now. This next generation gets this and I know that scares you too. 

Hey, ya know Mr. Angry White Man, you should be scared. Your time is almost done.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

A Walk in the Woods

I had to go see some folks in Fentress and Pickett County on Friday. Everytime I'm in the area I am reminded of the time someone tried to take me to see the waterfall at Colditz Cove and couldn't find it. I've always wanted to see the falls and I figured that as well as the trails are maintained now in the area that it would be much easier to find. I always tell myself I'm gonna break for lunch there and see the falls and I finally kept my promise.

It's just a bit off the main road but the parking area is secluded by trees and there was no one there when I arrived. I headed out in clothes that were neither appropriate for the heat or the hike. My attire consisted of jeans and a long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up and thong Birkenstocks. I didn't really think this thing out. I just wanted to see the falls once and for all. As I walked the trail I began to hear cars, doors slamming and people talking. I have no idea where it was coming from. It seemed like it was in front of me but I've never been one who could decipher the direction of sound well. It's never been one of my great abilities. So, when I started to hear it I remembered all the times I started a trail by seeing a sign that said "not responsible for items left in your automobile." It made me wish that I'd tried to hide my iPod, iPhone and purse just a little bit better. The only hope I had was that I could make this trip a quick one and get back to my car.

I finally reached the falls but with all the summer growth between the ledge and the fall I could hardly see the falls. I knew I'd have to go down but first, since I was at the top, I wanted to see the water spill over the top. Every twig and every root I tripped over in my inappropriate shoes forced the thong further into the split of my toes until they felt like the next time might actually split my toes. I would not give up even with the threat that my car was being broke into right at that very moment. I saw what I needed to see at the top and then turned to make my way back to the path that would lead me down.

As I moved along the path, stumbling over my Birken's, it finally occurred to me that if I tighten the buckle a few notches it might be enough to stop my foot at the strap instead at the thong. As I stood back up from the rebuckling I saw the most beautiful little turtle. At that very second I knew positively that nature was trying to tell me a thing or two. I was hot and my foot burned between my toes and all I'd thought about since I left my car was how fast I could get this done and get back on the road to work. Now, I just laughed at myself because I got the message loud and it was clear. I was in no danger. I could slow down and stop worrying about my car, I could stop looking for snakes at every rock and I could relax and begin to enjoy this detour to see something I'd wanted to see for many years.

I started to notice how all the downed trees looked like sculpture no artist could replicate. There were beautiful mushrooms everywhere and at one point my path was literally littered with tiny flowers that fell from up above. I went slow and took my steps very deliberately and decided that no matter the terrain, I'd make it to the bottom of that waterfall, in my now sweaty clothes and my fairly slick shoes. I knew it was mine to have and I knew this was the day I was meant to see it. I felt like this had been part of my birth plan. I felt so supported by everything around me and I knew I should just let go of everything else and have this moment for myself. I was protected by these woods and nothing was going to happen to me. In my heart I felt myself turn loose and fall back into the arms of nature.

When I returned to the car it was just like I left it. When I checked my Spire later it said that I had only walked for 23 minutes. It felt like it was much longer. I must have fallen into a time warp where 23 minutes feels like a couple of hours. It felt so good to check this off after so long and know that missing it so many years ago actually led me to this moment in time. My moment. My walking a path that led to finding  a tiny bit more of me. But now I want to share it with you. Enjoy...

Colditz Cove from tonyaru on Vimeo.

Monday, July 11, 2016

the mechanic's guide to gratitude

So we went over making a lasting change in the last post. So now let's talk about gratitude.

I just finished the book The Magic by Rhonda Bryne. It is an amazing book about learning to have gratitude in your everyday life. While I read this I finally recognized the way gratitude works. I wanted to break it down and share it with you here.

So, many of us, me included, start to feel disillusionment about the way the world works sometimes. If we keep up with world news we may start to think there isn't a lot of good in it. We may walk around in a cloud only able to see the bad. We may complain a lot or judge things harshly. So, what does gratitude have to do with this? Everything. Gratitude is the opposite of what I just described and by practicing it we will manifest more things to be grateful for.

When you decided to make gratitude a daily practice the first thing you have to do is decide to start looking for things to have gratitude for. Once you start looking (or keeping a gratitude journal) you will begin to see how much beauty their is in the world. It might seem like a challenge in the beginning but everyday lived grateful will make it easier day by day.

How does the shift occur that we all hear about when people talk about keeping a gratitude journal? In the third paragraph of this post I talked about how we get focused on all the negative things going on in the world. That my dear friends is a habit. It is a habit. It is a habit. How do you break a habit? Replace it with the desired way you want to be. How can we shift the habit of only seeing the ugly in the world? By deciding to concentrate on the good in the world. So, when we make gratitude part of our daily life we are really creating a habit to look for good.

I wish someone had told me that a long time ago. I'd read about keeping a gratitude journal and I'd think about how magical and transforming it could be but I never thought about what the practice actually creates. That transformation, turns out, is just learning a new behavior. If ya don't want to be a grumpy ass then learn to be a grateful ass.

Never mourn for what you've lost in life but instead be grateful for what you still have. Though mechanics are involved in that you can explain what happens in this shift, there is also magic. Give it a try and you will feel like someone waved the magic wand.

Friday, July 8, 2016

the mechanic's guide to change

Like so much of my reading, I am studying a few different topics right now. When I do this the crossover of information get's all blended in my mind and I have an epiphany. This happened over the last week. 

I know you've heard the rave reviews of doing affirmations and you probably tried them with little success. I think a big part of the failure regarding affirmations is that the mechanics are never really explained well. Without knowing why you do it you feel silly and give up or just have a negative attitude about the significance. 

So you've also heard the thing about how it takes 28 days to change a behavior. If you are like me, you'll give up way before the 28 days (some say 18 or 21 days) because you get busy with life and you just forget. 

It just all feels like a bunch of stuff you read in gimmicky books that people write to make money. But...what if there's something to it?

So, like I mentioned before starting out this post, I had a light bulb go off while trying to retain information from three different topics. I'm gonna explain and like always, I'll try to make this as brief as I can. It will not be easy. 

You are a person with habits. You can drive home 20 miles and not remember a single thing about your trip. You could also start to go to the a store on your way home during your afternoon commute and end up in your driveway without ever thinking of the store. You pull in, start to get out and then remember you didn't go by the store. We've all done it. It is habit. 

Do you really want to change something about yourself? Then you will need to break a habit first and replace it with the desired behavior. You could use affirmations but then you will start forgetting once your life gets busy. You could try keeping up the change for 28 days but you'll have to find a way to get up and remember to stick to your plan everyday. It seems hopeless. So, what to do. 

Take 28 days to make it happen. Write those affirmations and place them all over the house but you'll still need a real plan if you really don't want to forget that you are working towards a change. 
If you are a creature of habit and you cannot remember from one day to the next that you are working towards a goal, you are really going to need to buckle down. Right now you are a certain way that you want to change to better yourself and it's going to take practice to unlearn this habit and start a new one that will take over once you are through the process. That, my friend, is the mechanics of your situation. You need to find ways to be reminded through the day that you are working at something. You need to be persistent in your exchanging one habit for another every time that habit arises. If you want to be less negative you have to be on guard all the time so that when you start to say something or think something negative you can stop yourself and try to see the good in the situation. Unless you can remember throughout the day your old habits will keep rearing up. 

What are some ways we can break these cycles?

  • Journal, journal, journal. Write everyday about your change. Write about your process, Write about your results. Write about how you feel and the challenges you face.
  • Write it 100 times a day. Remember in school when you got in trouble and had to write sentences? Do that. 
  • Reaffirm through the day that you have conquered your habit. If you say it in the affirmative you'll be able to take ownership of the new habit from the beginning. Say it, "I am a positive person."
  • Meditate and see with your minds eye what your life will look like when the change happens. Don't just try to see the change actually feel what it will feel like when you are different, with the sand on your feet and the wind in your hair. "Be the change you wish to see in the world?" - Mahatma Gandhi
  • Tell people you trust what you are doing and have them remind you when you go off track.
I'm sure there are lots of ways to keep the process going day after day. Whatever you do just make sure it keeps you from sleeping your way through and giving up. It's habit. Make a new one. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

every place is a sacred space

I have a growing need to make wherever I'm at feel like a special place. I want to make my space feel like it fully supports whatever task I'm working on. Having this feeling makes me understand the significance of the Japanese tea ceremonies. It just feels nice to have a space prepared to accomplish a single task.

I am in my car so much for work that it's easy for me to get anxious about getting where I'm going instead of just enjoying the ride. I spend around 9 hours a week just driving to and from work. Some days I spend more time driving than that if I do home visits. I've been at this job since September 2011 and it just occurred to me to make my car a sacred space.

The other day I thought about the long time I'd spend on the road that day and I just got this feeling I should prepare my car with intention for the task I would be engaged in the whole day. Before I left home that morning I did a little cleaning and straightening. I sprayed my sacred space spray all around the car, I actually keep this bottle in the car now for when I need to spritz a little freshness all around. I picked out an array of different crystals to also keep in the car. These were just tiny little things to make it feel sacred but I also wanted it to look sacred. So, I bought a nice throw pillow for the backseat and a faux sheep skin to drape over all the stains I have from riding a very messy niece around when she was little. Of course a sacred space needs music so I had my iPod at hand for that. Now my car is a tiny mobile temple. It makes the time I spend in it feel so much less like work and makes me feel much more present and in the moment. I find it helps me to not feel hurried. This is just one example of making a space feel special that we might usually take for granted. You might also do this with your porch, garden, your desk at work or bedroom. Any place can be a sacred space.

If you have a space that you spend a lot of time in that does not feel conducive to your peace of mind think about taking steps to introduce some things there that make you feel more inspired and calm. This little practice will blow your mind at how effective it is. I love the idea of the tiny travel altar for those who meditate to use to make a space for meditation on the go. Just total sweetness and a good example of what I'm talking about.

Okay, so, if ya got a space that doesn't make you feel like the whole world loves you and thinks you are the most awesome, then sacred spacify it. Yes I just made that up but it works and I'm sticking by it. You still here? Go go go...

Monday, May 2, 2016

Game of Thrones is Fiction

Most of us live a life of defense. We constantly fight imagined enemies, slights and wars. So much of our time is spent in our minds playing defense against things that might (will never) happen we completely miss the things that are going on in real time right in front of our own eyes. If the number of terrorist attacks we've fought off in our minds were real we'd have little time for much else. 

I don't have the same beliefs that most people here in the US have but I do know a little about the Bible and a lot about Jesus. 


I know what Jesus wouldn't do if he feared a terror attack. He wouldn't buy up all the latest swords, stones and other weaponry and hit the sword/stone/weapon range to try to learn how not to miss the heart of his enemy. He wouldn't carry them concealed on his person as he traveled through the lands healing people. 

I also know what Jesus would do. He would say: 

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34

He's said it before. He did as he was dying by the hands of those he petitioned forgiveness for.

Never once does the Bible ever speak of Jesus carrying or using a weapon. WWJD? 

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

A Beautiful Princess and Her Kingdom

I was born a beautiful princess in a kingdom filled with all the wealth I'd ever need. There were no problems, no hate, no worries. I could look to the right of me and see my neighbor's kingdom, equally as beautiful and rich. I could look in every direction and all I'd see was kingdom after kingdom of everyone having everything they needed with no reason to war against another and no need for bitterness or jealousy.

Over numerous years and experiences with the real people outside the dimension that held all the beautiful kingdoms, there was ugliness. I opened the door a little and the outside world began to cross over into my pristine kingdom and then wars began to breakout. People shouted hateful things at one another and called for separation. I could not control it. My once perfect internal kingdom turned dark and scary with the sludge of every ugly encounter of unlove in this world. It went from a beautiful kingdom to a slum with hardly enough light getting through to keep it alive. But all it takes is a little light.

The ugliness only came in because I let it in. I stopped believing in perfect love and started to doubt that it could be real. I woke one day peeking out at the small beams of light breaking through the dark clouds and said enough. From there I began to clean up the whole kingdom realm. I scraped, scrubbed and piled. Once I had all the ugliness gathered up, I tossed it out to another dimension and sealed the door shut with love, light and perfect energy.

Now when someone comes knocking from the outside wanting to bring the ugliness with them I remind myself what happened to my kingdom last time when I let the outside come in. I remember how every act of ugliness that I let in, took it's place somewhere in the kingdom as sludge, that would eventually cover over the beauty. I say to the ugliness, I see you but I cannot let you in. You do not belong here and you never have belonged here.

Note: Of course I'm speaking of this beautiful kingdom here as the way the mind works when it is not burdened with all the ways the outside world shows up for us negatively. The beautiful kingdom is what is with us at birth that gets stripped away as we face the limitations of this world. You all have a beautiful kingdom inside you. Just clean it up and be the friggin' king of that place. It will not take anything from your neighbor for they too have a beautiful kingdom filled with all they need.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

step up your perspective game

I visit a lot of people in their homes and I hear a lot of stories. Some of them are tales of woe and others of triumph. After being in hundreds of homes and meeting hundreds of people on their own turf, I think it is safe to say there have been enough to be able to spot a trend if there was one. So, what do you think I've found. Well, it's a few of things.


There are people in the world that will never be happy. They always see things from a victim mentality and from the perspective of lack. If you ask them any question you will get a negative response. You can send them your best worker, the one everyone loves and wants, and they will, at some point, ask you to never send them again. They will do this until they go through every good worker you have and then they will hit the bottom of the barrel and change providers. They will tell you they have the same problem wherever they go but they will still believe the problem is with everyone else and not of their own making. They never, for a second, appreciate anything or anyone. They wallow in the grief of their self-made unhappiness.


There are people in the world that go through life and they take what is handed to them and they never ask for another thing. They aren't exactly happy or sad. It never really occurs to them that they have any power in the world. So, they never step up and never speak their mind. They follow blindly whatever they are told and are scared a lot of the time. They hope you won't take advantage of them but they fully expect that you might.


There are people in the world that always find a way to be happy. They take responsibility for their lives and recognize the reasons they have to be grateful. Even when these folks lack the things they find very important to their happiness, they are still grateful for what they do have. They can find something good in any worker you send them. They will tell you all the wonderful things that have happened to them in their life. These people may be the sickest of the lot but they will refuse to lay down until they just cannot go anymore. They won't dwell on their sickness no matter how severe. The energy around them is contagious and when you talk with them you will not be able to stop smiling.

I think if you look at these three categories you will notice that age doesn't matter. Most people will fall in one. You have a choice. Do you want to be a I, II, or III?

Monday, April 4, 2016

Stop Waiting, He's Already Here

In this post I'm speaking from the beliefs of the majority of the US and addressing those with these beliefs.

Stop waiting for Jesus to come back. He is already here. He is in the soul of the person you hate most. He is in the soul of the person you love most. He is in the soul of every person even those who do not look like you. He is in the soul of the person who hates and the person who loves. He's already here in the soul of every person good or bad. If you can't love him in the person next to you or across the globe, you can't love him period. You do not get to choose.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 22:35-40

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home.
- Joan Osborne

Thursday, March 24, 2016

could it be the season?

I am, for the most part, feeling very in my essence and almost like the world is made for me. Around every little corner there is a sweet surprise. How could one not love that. There are still moments that overwhelm me if  I let them but leaving winter behind makes them all way more palatable.

If I've never told you, I really appreciate those of you who take time to come by here and share this journey with me. I also appreciate those of you who never come here to read but still share my journey in real time. You all make my world so much brighter.

It's that time of year that we are all just so ready to drink in the world and be drunk on it's beauty.

Please take time after you read this to sit for a brief moment. Close your eyes and visualize rainbows of light from infinity streaming into your head and washing through your body and expanding out from your entire body until it encompasses the entire world and all it's inhabitants. Feel your connection to all living beings while wishing them perfect love. Then pull that light back to your heart until your heart is filled and all of the light is held completely in your heart. Now, with a beautiful blue paint, mentally paint the opening shut to your heart that the light went into. Watch the shine of the light get smaller and smaller until it's only a pin point and continue until it is completely shut. Know that you walk with the love and light of the universe inside you.

Love and light to you, YoU special sOuL. 

Monday, February 29, 2016

Sunday's Big Adventure

I tried to get Bryan to put in upstream in Mill Creek on a part that we already knew was pretty safe but he was out for a big adventure so we let him have his way. I've already been dumped in that water last year and was pretty banged up by it. I guess I'm a little phobic now. So, when I got dumped again, this time I overreacted. Next time I've got to get a new perspective on this and see it for the adventure that it is like everyone else. I was scared senseless. So, that happened but I have to say that was over very early on and the rest of it was a huge adventure. If we had started further upstream the rest of our story wouldn't have taken place. So, now on to that.

A couple of dogs decided to join us for the whole trip. They set out with us on the start and at the end of it, ended up getting a lift back home to safety. The people who own these two dogs have no idea of the adventure they went on 2-28-2016.

We noticed them following us on the bank immediately after launching. We tried to shoo them back home but nothing worked. So, we finally gave up.

I'll try my best to explain what went down but it's hard if you don't know the area. I'll put a map at the end to try and help you figure it out.

Imagine that we started way up stream on Mill Creek which would be off the map below and to the right and upper corner of what you see there.

The dogs went back and forth across the creek as we went. We tried several times to get the dogs to cross back to the side they needed to be on before the water got really wide but they wouldn't go. Once, they actually got trapped between the creek and the bank because there is a little flooding within the banks right now. They wouldn't get into the kayaks so we had to guide them by riding beside them to get them back out onto the bank. After getting them back on the bank they were still on the wrong side. If they stayed on the side they were on they'd end up caught between the Cumberland River and the Mill Creek. We needed them to at least get to the side where they'd only have a short swim off the bank on Dry Fork to the boat ramp. At that we weren't sure they'd swim it but it was the best shot we had.

Once we got to the bridge at Weaver Bottom, Bryan got out of his kayak and walked them across the bridge to the other side of the creek. So, we finally had them where they need to go. At some point the black dog got up enough courage to get in the boat with Bryan but the white dog wasn't having any part of the kayaks.

We left Trista and Casey behind trying to coax the white dog along the bank to follow them to the ramp up Dry Fork. So, Bryan finally gets the black dog back to the ramp in his boat, Trista and Casey come in with the white dog following them but it is across the creek from the ramp. We still either have to coax it to swim across the creek to us or get in a kayak with someone. This dog is not going to swim that creek. It's over it all. So far this adventure has been 6 miles long for them and they swam a lot of it. They are worn to a frazzle. The white dog just keeps running up and down the bank trying to figure out how it's going to get to us. There's a dude on his boat waiting for his brother at the ramp and he finally realizes we need his help. He rides his boat up to a low point on the creek's bank and Trista gets the dog to follow her kayak to that point. They are out of sight for a bit but sure enough here comes the boat back with the white dog sittin up front like a boss.

We get the kayaks back to the house while the rest of the gang waits with the dogs and then we drive them home. I was so excited to tell their story to the owners but when we got them back no one was home. We set them out and started to drive off and Bryan had to out run the white dog again but it finally circled back to the house. I think after what we all went through on this day we kind of all feel a little ownership/kinship with one another now. That white dog just didn't want to give us up.

I cannot begin to tell you how satisfying this all was to me. We got to share this experience with these creatures just like we would if they'd been human and we planned it. We were just fellow travelers on the road/water, who meet up and share the beauty of the marvelous space we live in. I think we all loved it equally. I think if white dog and black dog could tell the tale they'd get just excited by the thought of it as I do. Thanks Dogs. You were awesome.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

A little Manly advice

In my day job I have the fortunate opportunity to get to meet and mingle with people in the community who have a lot of experience living. One in particular is turning 51 this year and is one of the younger people I see. Do not let his young age fool you. He is wise beyond his years. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that he may be one of the wisest folks I've met in person. 

Last week I went out to call on this young man, let's call him Mr.S. One hour turned to two and then two into three. I had to tear myself away. He is just that awesome to talk to. We discuss politics and religion, two of the biggies on the list they tell ya not to talk about. Add some history and discussion of  people and relationships and you get how deep these conversations get. 

Last week me and Mr.S. talked about the relationships between young men and women. He said some very profound things that I want to share in this post. Going forward I'll paraphrase what he told me in italics:

No one is handing out well thought out advice to young men. They get a well of advice regarding getting laid, getting away with sleeping with lots of women, how to lie and cheat but for the most part no one dispenses advice on how to be a good person. Young men are applauded and patted on the back for being bad and getting away with it. 

The biggest mistake that young women make is in thinking men are smarter than they actually are (his thoughts, not mine). The male species can only do one thing at a time. They are neither multi-taskers nor good at thinking through emotional situations. When you believe that he will understand what you need if you hint long enough you are incorrect. You must say what you want. Sit him down and tell him what you want, what you need, what makes you happy and what makes you feel wanted. That is the way he will know. He will never guess it no matter the number of times you hint. He needs logic, it's far more on his side than emotion. 

Okay, that's the gist of that part of my conversation with him. Now, I believe there are a lot of very good men in the world. I am not a male and I'm sure I will never know better than Mr.S, what it's like to be male. I'm going to take his word on what he told me. I am sure he is right about young men getting terrible advice. They seem to get all the "sow the wild oats" advice and very little on how to be a good person. I'd really never thought about it until he said that. I do know from experience that it's best to ask for what you want and that is with most situations. I think most of us are terrible at taking hints. 

Maybe we should rethink a few things. Maybe we shouldn't be so encouraging on the wild oat sowing. Maybe we should be firm on asking as much of our young men as we do our young women when it comes to being a good person. Maybe we should encourage women to speak more freely about their needs instead of trying to teach them how to manipulate others to get their needs met. Maybe when someone tells you all the ways they perceive they've been hinted at that someone may or may not like them we should make sure to say, "if they liked you, you'd know." No one is hinting that they want to be with you. If they want to be with you they will do it and not hint at it. No one has time for that game. 

So, women be honest and speak your mind, Men forget all the advice you get about oat sowing and be honest. We are all in this together and the less we play at games the more real living we can do where no one has to do the guessing game. 

Monday, February 22, 2016

sparkle thoughts

I just had a huge light bulb moment that I hope will stay with me forever. I was reading
A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey from Fear to Love and I read something that had never occurred to me. I don't believe a lot of religious dogma but I do believe we all have a soul. I believe that that our soul is the part of us that bears witness to how we go through life living either in fear or love. It is the thing that whispers to us in the form of intuition when knowledge is needed. The soul is who we really are lifetime after lifetime. What we see as our self is not part of what makes up our soul. It is our earth body needed to live out our existence in flesh. Our soul is what watches it happen. So, saying that, that I believe in the soul, here is what I learned today from this book. 

When we experience a negative emotion it is not real. The negative emotion can only be felt by the body in flesh. The soul would never experience a negative emotion. So, in essence anything negative that we can feel is not real and cannot effect our existence as soul. 

What effect can this knowledge have on our everyday life? We can learn to see that anything that is not of soul is fear. Anything that fulfills love is soul. If it is not love then it is fear. If it is fear we should let it go. If it is love we should lift it up.

Here is the passage from the book I'm referring to: 

"You further attest to the reality of sin and its effects when you feel guilty for the pain or sorrow you believe you have caused others. “I screwed up my child because I was an alcoholic.” “When I cheated on my husband, I caused him irreparable pain.” “My parents paid for my college education so I could become a doctor, and now I feel awful because all I want to do is be an actor.” We have all felt hurt by plenty of people and incidents, and we all feel guilty about hurting others. While all of these sufferings seem very real and justifiable, A Course in Miracles teaches that your true Self, and the true Self of any other person, runs far deeper than the self that experiences pain. “Whatever suffers is not part of me” No matter what mistakes you have made or others have made against you, your inner being remains perfectly intact, impervious to human error. It was not the act that hurt, but your interpretation of the act. Just as you chose an interpretation that hurts, you can choose one that heals. “I can elect to change all thoughts that hurt”

Cohen, Alan (2015-10-27). A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey from Fear to Love (p. 30). Hay House, Inc.. Kindle Edition. 

I love that. It says more than a full set of encyclopedias ever could.

Let Peace Go With You.
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