Waking Up - Part I

If you look deeply you can always see the things I'm trying to work out in my own life when I'm writing here. I speak of these things here when I'm working on them so that we might share in the experience. I'm thinking that maybe you might be going through something similar.

A few times I've written of balancing our male and female energies. When you ask people to raise their hand if they have issues with this I'll be the first to raise my hand. My issue might not be like every female, in that I'm not trying to balance some male energy into my mix. My issue is that I'm trying to bring back some of the female energy I've lost over many many years.

I am a fist up kind of person. I can let go of people doing wrong to me now but my past has been stuck to me like it was superglued and I liked it that way, was even a little proud of it. Because I carry these things with me, I keep my fist up, trying to insure that the past does not come back to repeat itself. Anyone who knows me at all, knows I'm a tough nut to crack. I'll watch you interact with me for a long while before I let you passed the wall. That damn wall in Game of Thrones has nothing on my wall. My wall kicks that wall's ass.

I went on my retreat this passed weekend. I was alone for 3 days without eating. I couldn't seem to be by myself. I tried hard to avoid getting too still and having to be with myself. It was much tougher than I thought it'd be. The way your mind works is dependent on the way you eat. The strategy outlined in this book helps prepare your body and mind for optimum usage. I cannot point to anything significant that took place during the 3 days but afterwards the gates have opened and the flood is rushing in. The WALL is coming down.

I know how it is to come to a blog with an extremely long post. We want to read it but we just don't always have the time. For this reason I'm going to break this post up into a few smaller post rather than one long one. I'll be back with more later.