Saturday, October 26, 2013

gratitude

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I met Bryan (I call him B) in February 1997 and we were married in 2001. Marrying him was one of the best decision I’ve made. I always joked that I was chronically single when I met him, so it wasn’t an easy decision for me. He is the best husband, dad, son, brother, uncle and friend anyone could ever have. When I say things like that people tell me that I’m also a good person but I gotta tell ya, I am second rate in comparison to him.

We’ve kinda had an agreement since the beginning that we would love each other without one trying to change the other. I’m sure there are a lot of things that we could change about ourselves to better our life because we are not perfect people. The point is we don’t spend our lives focusing on lack. We have immense gratitude for what we have with each other. I never take it for granted and I don’t think that he does either. When I think of us together I could almost cry blood from my eyes just feeling how sacred the space is that we hold between us. It feels that deep.

People tell us all the time that we are suppose to argue and that it’s not normal that we don’t. We laugh at that when we are alone because we know how much easier our life is because we don’t argue. We have somehow discovered a way to keep our life less complicated by allowing each other to be exactly who we are and arguing does not fit into that.

We have changed a lot over the years. Most of the big changes came about because we are accepting of one another. Speaking for myself I can say my biggest change has been how accepting I’ve become and that came as a direct result of B loving me just like I am. I’ve never felt so safe to just be me. I think he would say the same thing if you ask him.

You cannot change anyone. Trying to change someone makes them hold tighter to the thing you are trying to change. People almost automatically go into defense mode when you try to strip away part of who they are, thereby strengthening their grasp to that element you want to change. Unless a person is doing harm to their self or another person, why would you want to change them? Loving a person unconditionally will have the most profound effect in regard to making someone a better person. I might suggest when you feel yourself wanting to change/correct someone, maybe resist the urge and do something nice for them instead. Rub their feet, buy them a gift or bake them a cake. When they ask why you are doing it (and they will if they are used to criticism) tell them, “Because I love you just the way you are.” If you do this a few times and it doesn’t change your life, I’ll bake YOU a cake.

Friday, October 25, 2013

It’s Easier Than You Think

Having a peaceful existence is easier than you think. Of course writing it down and making it accessible to everyone is not as easy. In order to do this I might have to give you a few personal examples that might make me seem full of myself but I assure you that there is nothing special in me that anyone cannot attain for their self. Peace mostly comes from knowing a secret that you won’t find in school.

I wrote the happiness exercise more than a year ago to try and help people to see what the secret to peace really is. It really takes committing your life to keeping that space for letting people be who they are everyday even though in the exercise I ask people for only a 3 day commitment. The reason for the 3 days is just to get people to glimpse at the possibility. The ultimate goal of following the exercise is that by opening up to accepting the people in your life at whatever level they are you will begin to accept yourself. You do not have to be anything but what you already are and the same goes for your people. That is the secret to peace.

Yesterday I went to an event with a couple of other people who also manage offices in other areas of the business that I work for. These two ladies actually said to me in regard to how calm my office is, “I want to absorb some of whatever you have.” I told one of the ladies I went to lunch with, “I can tell you the secret but you probably won’t follow it or believe it.” I told her that you cannot meet people in a battle between wills. Anytime you engage in that way no one will win. Just imagine how frustrating it is when someone tells you that you have to do something or else and then compare that to how it feels when they just ask you politely. I know in our office we have a lot of folks saying yes when they might have said no because we don’t use force and we give them a choice. We just choose to take the gentler approach.

Another example is this. In the last job I had before I started my current job, I was asked to teach a day class in an art camp for children. During the process of planning the camp we had numerous meetings. In every meeting we spent most of the time talking about how we would disciple the children and how we would keep them corralled in the individual classes throughout the park where the camp was taking place. The lady who was directing the project explained to us that she had always handled projects with children in this certain manner and that it had always worked. After about the 5th meeting like this it became so unbelievable to me that I finally had to speak up. I just said, “I am not going to do anything you have suggested and these children are going to be amazing.” And, folks, that is what I did and they were. I did not give them one rule, I did not direct their actions in anyway and I had zero issue with any of the children. Here is a little glimpse into what my campsite looked like.

The class I taught was the arrow ceremony and the art was making really creative arrows for the ceremony. The hope was that I might teach the children to be creative in their own way while also learning to set goals. I hung dream catchers in the trees, burned incense in the air and played tribal drum music out in to the world. I also threw a blanket on the ground for any of the children who wanted more solitude while they worked. I gave them paint, ribbons, silk flowers, feathers, fabric and thin wooden dowels and then I told them about the ceremony and set them free. Let me tell ya folks, it was the place to be. These children were so calm and relaxed. It was the favorite class of the day. The lady who directed the event came to me at the end of the day and she said, “You have amazed me.” The thing about it was that I did not do anything really. I just allowed.
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The lesson of the day, just stop, don’t try, just be, just allow. Allow, Allow, Allow.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

a day in the zone.

I was sitting and that title just popped in my head and I knew I had to write it.

Wouldn’t it be fun to have a day where all is well in the world? I knew you’d say yes so let’s roll up our sleeves and get down to business.

You can have that day almost everyday. You just have to make up your mind, say “I’m doing it today.” Then do it. Eventually you’ll get so good at it that it will become normal to have a good day everyday.

What would that day look like for you? Start with your ideal day and then also try it out on a day when you know you can’t really plan for it to be amazing. I know what a perfect day is for me. So here it is in list form.

  • My mind is at peace and overwhelmed with gratitude for the life I’ve been given.
  • All of my family is well and happy having their own day in the zone whether it’s with me or without me. So, let’s just say everyone is happy.
  • I take a kayak or road trip with family and friends or just me and B.
  • I photograph all the wonder of the world we live in the whole day. If you know me you know I use instagram as my photographic gratitude journal.
  • We eat something fabulous and completely disregard calories and nutrient content.
  • I get a wee bit of exercise paddling or stopping at whatever scenic spots we stop at.
  • I laugh a lot.
  • I sing with the radio or the iPod.
  • I say “why are you so cute?” to B about a dozen times throughout the day.
  • I pick up a small token of some sort to remember the day. It’s usually a rock, shell, bone or fossil of some sort. I never remember what day it goes to but it’s not really about being specific to me. It’s like collecting bits of life.
  • I go to bed feeling filled up and magical.

This was one of those days. What about you? You got one?

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Monday, September 23, 2013

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We got in a few more kayak trips in the last few weeks. I think we’ll get in a few more before the cold sets in. 2013 has been an awesome year on the water. So many folks we love now how kayaks. There’s gonna be a lot of adventures in the future. Let’s all toast to that.

the mechanic’s guide to quantum jumping

Take a look at the video to get up to speed. I’ll wait.

So, now that you’ve watched the video let’s take off the mystical training wheels and look at it from a rational stance. You know me and my meat and potatoes logic. I’m always gonna break it down.

Is there a multitude of parallel universes?

Answer, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to believe and it does not have to be real.

Here is a rational breakdown.

Your life is already a universe. It is your universe. This is a message I covered earlier. If you would like to read that first go here and then come back and pick up in this next paragraph.

Obviously based on decisions we make every day we could have a multitude of possible realities. If you decide to sit down in the middle of the road in a busy intersection you might be ran over. You know there are other decisions that you can make in that moment that would better serve you and that is what you will probably do instead.  You have the option to decide. So, in your daily life you live everyday making decisions and the decisions align with what you know. Now, you could go against the grain and make a different decision but the uncertainty will probably keep you from it. If you knew the outcome you’d be more likely to go against what is normal for you but you don’t.

Here ya go. What if you sat for a while and envisioned an alternate you tackling a decision where you go against what you know and you see that alternate you succeed in this vision?  That would be beneficial right? Since that alternate you is just in your imagination (or not if you believe in alternate universes) you don’t have an attachment to what you visualize them doing and there’s no attachment to the outcome. The lack of attachment frees you up to welcome this other possibility.  Then you step into that person in your imagination and bring that possibility back with you. If you can see it you can obtain it. This is a great exercise to allow you to see how it could work if you chose to go one of the thousands of ways you could in any given situation.

Call that magic, call it mystical but I call it common sense. If you can’t see yourself obtaining what you want you are gonna have a hard time getting it. This opens the door to possibilities that you might not otherwise entertain based on what you normally see as your limitations. This removes those limitations even if it’s only in your mind.050


Do it. You don’t have a thing to lose.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Borrowed Quote

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I saw this on a private forum and wanted to share it:

“Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love.”

Saturday, September 21, 2013

No One is in Your Way

I’ve not been able to lift a pen to paper lately. There are things that I want to share but sometimes I find myself thinking about authority, as in, who gave me the authority to prescribe any sort of help to the wounds of another’s soul.

Then I start thinking that if there weren’t people out there giving themselves permission to share their knowledge there’d be a heap of stuff I wouldn’t know.

For today I’m gonna share with you a thing that I know for sure. I hope it will help someone who’s on the cusp of knowing it for themselves and is looking for this exact bit of wisdom from someone who’s been there already.

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If we could only stand outside of ourselves to hear the stories of how we’ve been wronged by someone, what a different side we would see. No one ever tells a story about how someone hurt them and in their story, they were the bad guy. No one is ever the bad guy in their version. You take an incident that happens between two people and then let those two go tell the story and you can rest assured they were both the victim in their version. How can they both be the victim and neither one the perpetrator?        

One of the hardest things we ever face in life is a mirror. We do not want to see our own flaws. If we see our flaws then we have to do something about them. If we pretend that the wrong turns our lives take are the fault of someone else, then we don’t have to look in the mirror where the truth cannot be hid.

If something is going wrong in your life right now, no matter who or what seems to be the cause, tag, you are it. Decisions made by you on a daily basis take you down every road you go. I bet you are pissed just reading that and you have a lot of “yeah buts” just swirling around in your mind. It’s the “yeah buts” of life that keep you there, where it’s comfortable sitting on your good guy throne, while someone else gets to be the bad guy.

If you want to be happy in life you’ve got to take responsibility.

You are sitting king/queen of a universe that no one else can enter and you blame the folks that cannot even enter your world for the demise of it.

Close your eyes. Imagine your life and all that you think about life and imagine it as room you are in with no windows and doors. Imagine how you’ve been happy, you’ve been a victim, you’ve been loving, you’ve been spiteful, you’ve been beautiful and you’ve been ugly. All of those things are in there in your room; no windows, no doors. No one can see inside that room and you cannot see out. No one has any power to shape how things transpire in that room; no windows, no doors. You are the master of the room. That room is your universe. That room is your mind. Everyone has their own universe. Everyone has their own mind. They are controlling their own mind and living in their own universe. You are controlling your own mind and living in your own universe. They don’t know how you see the world because your vision of the world is your own and that vision cannot be seen by anyone but you. You don’t know how they see the world because their vision of the world is their own and that vision cannot be seen by anyone but them.

You are not always the good guy. In fact the only power you have in the whole world is to open your eyes wide and try to see your part in any given situation. You get to decide. Your whole life is based solely on what you decide. You decide. Even in the worst that the universe decides to throw at you, you still decide. You can be a victim or a warrior. You can sit still and be swallowed or move forward. You decide. You decide. You decide. You decide. You decide. You decide. You decide. You decide. You decide.

Repeat after me, I DECIDE. I DECIDE. I DECIDE. I DECIDE. I DECIDE.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

the end of summer

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a photo heavy post of what we’ve been up to. So here ya go.

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You can see from these photos that I’ve been busy living life instead of writing about it. These were all taken during the month of August. We have just been loving everything that surrounds us in every moment we breath. Hope everyone else has had a fabulous summer as well.

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